Author Topic: The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet  (Read 142 times)

Offline Gromet

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The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet
« on: November 27, 2017, 11:22:22 AM »

Offline oneupthextraman

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Re: The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2017, 01:28:56 AM »
A fun story. I enjoyed reading it. I did not see the end coming. But I do like how the maids started wearing latex. A good story.

Offline CoolerThanCool

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Re: The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet
« Reply #2 on: November 28, 2017, 01:40:26 AM »
I really enjoyed the different parts coming together here. The pacing was nice and the domination element was very well realized. Although I am not a fan of latex I really enjoyed the woman being dominated by a machine, the way the "tables turned", and the android sort of rubbing it in the woman's face that she was 'better'.

Overall a very satisfying story that teases and titillates just enough.
Wonderful job here as with the previous maid-bot stories.

Offline feline

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Re: The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet
« Reply #3 on: December 04, 2017, 12:00:25 PM »
I started reading this full of hope and optimism, but sadly I didn't enjoy this as much as other entries in this story series.  There are a lot of very fun and interesting ideas here, and it is really good to see how the programs and the company offerings are coming together, but over all the story felt quite cold and mechanical.  I feel that there was a lot of promise here that wasn't really realised.

When the story starts, the first 3 paragraphs or so feel like an information dump, getting us up to speed and setting the scene.  This is always a tricky spot, when a story has to introduce a bunch of background to make sense of things and move forward, but if you could have mixed it in with more feelings, more humanity and a better sense of Jackie as a person and how she feels.  Show us how she feels, show us something of what she gave up, and how she has been objectified by her new life, and left empty and board by it.  I want to connect with her, and to feel her before and after emotions.  The whole point of this is her change from free but purposeless woman to a captured and controlled "object", who remembers who she was, and sees the change in her situation.

Her friend, who told her about the maid program, she could have done with a name, to make her more human, and to make it easier to track who is who when she comes back to see Jackie, and figures out that Jackie is now acting the part of the maid, and has even brought in a maid-bot that looks just like her, to play her role as mistress of the house.

Moments so full of emotional promise, such thoughts and feelings that could course through her friend, perhaps envy and curiosity at taking the game as far as Jackie has, happiness at seeing her embrace the idea so fully, etc.  But this was not really realised, sadly.

In part 1, I really did smile when we saw Jackie signing a load of forms without reading them, let alone checking out the small print or possible warnings and side effects!  So familiar, but also such a wonderful way of setting herself up for trouble down the line *wicked smile*

The end of the story, and discovering that the mistress-bot that had been programmed with a dominant version of Jackie's memories, and thus personality, has taken such total control of events is fascinating.  It would have been nice to see a bit more of where this came from, and how it came to be.  How much of this drive and passion did Jackie herself exhibit before her marriage, and then the dull and empty life she drifted into and through?  Surely all of this did not come from nowhere, out of the blue.

Offline Gromet

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Re: The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet
« Reply #4 on: December 04, 2017, 03:01:19 PM »
Thanks CoolerThanCool & oneupthextraman, pleased that you've enjoyed the stories.

Offline Gromet

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Re: The Maid-bot in Me by Gromet
« Reply #5 on: December 04, 2017, 03:14:04 PM »
Feline, thanks for the great review, as always detailed and in-depth.

You're right the first three paragraphs do seem more like note, that's because they are. I get story ideas and make notes and then turn those notes into a story. Like the one I'm working on as I write this: Girl admires the three latex catsuit clad maids in her friend’s house, loved the way they looked all tight, shiny and displaying their curves, covered head to toe. She wants to see how it would feel to be dressed like that and asks her friend if she could try on one of their outfits. Once dressed up like one of the maids her friend slips a control collar on her as a prank and has her working in the house as a maid. Her parents come home and assume that she is just another maid and give her chores to do. Her friend doesn’t want to get in trouble so doesn’t reveal her secret. You can see where this story comes from... Oh and this is another short story 16 pages so far... I'll post here for review before posting anywhere else.

I should do more character referencing in my stories, but when writing I don't have a name for all of the characters it comes as I write. I'll revisit the front part to see how I can improve it.

The Mistress is not part of Jackie's dominant side, she just programmed to be dominant and nasty to Jackie while she serves her. Jackie is a subbie, though they usually control from the bottom. She only shared the same looks. More like the dominant sexbot in "Janet & the Sexbot.

Her friend needs an upgrade it seems, I should have said more about her in the story.

I'll improve my writing skills with more of your feedback, so thanks for taking the time.