Author Topic: Worldwide Wrap Up by Papa Palpatine  (Read 100 times)

Offline Gromet

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Worldwide Wrap Up by Papa Palpatine
« on: December 03, 2017, 01:25:17 PM »
You can view the story here on the plaza:

http://www.mummified.net/storiessz/worldwidewrapup.html
M/f+; Magic/f+; pharaoh; spells; bandages; abduction; entomb; sarcophagus; sealed; enslave; naked; sexslaves; nc; X

Please feel free to leave your kind comments & feedback here about this story.

Thanks   ;)

Offline PapaPalpatine

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Re: Worldwide Wrap Up by Papa Palpatine
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2017, 04:31:38 AM »
Thanks again to Gromet for hosting my stories on your site.

To all plaza readers: If you enjoyed this story, let me know. If you think there are areas of the story that need improvement, let me know about that as well. Thanks in advance.

Offline 64Fordman

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Re: Worldwide Wrap Up by Papa Palpatine
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2017, 12:30:25 AM »
Hi PapaPalpatine,

I’m guessing from your other posts this is one of the first stories you’ve ever written, so first let me say good job. We all started somewhere and your first work is better than some of us (me) managed in the beginning. Each story you write will be better than your last, and you’re off to a good start.

Overall I liked the story and the concept, but I also rate a story by the quality of the images created in my mind as I read. In this case those images had nothing to do with mummies or tombs, it was more like an episode of Matlock with the narrator on the witness stand telling the jury what happened, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Dick Wolf made a bazillion dollars with Law and Order doing just that. But maybe a bit more action would have made the story even better.

Thanks for writing, I hope to see more from you in the near future.

Offline PapaPalpatine

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Re: Worldwide Wrap Up by Papa Palpatine
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2017, 04:52:32 AM »
I take it you would've preferred more scenes like what happens to Jennifer on the University campus and less of the macrocosm of what's going on in the story's world? Fair enough, I can probably do that when I get the opportunity to sit down and do a rewrite.

Offline 64Fordman

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Re: Worldwide Wrap Up by Papa Palpatine
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2017, 07:27:39 AM »
That’s not what I meant at all. The story starts with Honey Golden, a reporter who goes to interview the evil Pharaoh and gets captured. She could have possessed, through her research, the key to the spell that allowed him to summon the mummy apocalypse. That would have added quite a bit of conflict to the beginning of the story, and conflict demands action.

But please don’t rewrite the story because of my comments, it was just my opinion.