Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary, how does your garden grow? With sil-"

"Mrs. Smythe?"

Mary whirled.

"Oh! I'm sorry if I startled you."

Mary smiled.

"No, no, dear, that's all right."

"I'm Edna Lambe from the university extension."

"Yes, dear."

"I was wondering if I could talk with you for a few minutes. You have a reputation for growing prize-winning produce and I was wondering if you would share your secret. All in the name of science you understand."

"Well, it's simple, really: quality in, quality out. It's in the feed, dear."

"What do you feed them?"

"Well, now, that is a bit of a secret, but it starts with this," she said holding up a bottle of brown liquid.

"What is it?"

"A little of this, a little of that, a regular witches brew. It contains the perfect balance of nutrients to ensure optimum health. Once it's processed, the result is the perfect food for the plants. Of course, there are different formulas, but the process is the same."

"And what is the process?"

Mary chuckled, gave the girl a wink. "Now, dear, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you."

The girl barked out a laugh.

"But I can show some of the pieces."

She raised a large, round wooden lid. Inside was a metal cylinder lined with dirt. In the bottom was something white, heart-shaped with an oblong slot in it.

"The results of the process are deposited there," Mary said pointing to the slot. "Water is pumped in creating a slurry. Then the water is pumped out and delivered to a manifold to be distributed by an underground feeding and watering system."

They walked over to another wooden lid.

"What are those things?"

"The rack holds the brew, the rubber hose goes down this tube. The solar panel powers a small valve that opens and closes, letting just the right amount of liquid in. Another valve controls the flow of water into and out of the reservoir. It's all very green, dear. Very self-sustaining."

There were several of the devices in a row running through the middle of a small patch.

"I have only a few thousand square feet under cultivation in this manner. The, er, key ingredient for the process is very difficult to acquire."

The girl nodded.

Later, in the living room, Edna accepted the cup of tea, took a sip.

"Oh, this is lovely what is it?"

"Well now, that recipe I can give you. First you start with a pinch of saffron."

Edna sipped as Mary spoke.

"The secret is in the tea leaves. They must be ... but ... not more ... just a bit ... and ..."

Edna woke, head spinning. She tried to move, couldn't.

"What?" she whispered.

"Ah! You're awake, dear."

"What," she repeated.

Mary stepped over to her, pried open her mouth, squirted something foul that burned her throat. She coughed and gasped.

"Maids should be seen and not heard."

Edna tried to talk again, but her throat was completely numb. Nothing came out, just a faint whisper.

Edna's mind began to clear. She raised her head.

She was lying on her side in a wheel barrow. Her arms were bound to her shins with pink ribbon. She struggled, but the ribbon held fast, felt almost as if it was glued on.

She tried to speak, forming words with her mouth. It was useless.

Mary grabbed the handles of the wheel barrow and Edna's world tilted.

A long roll up a hill, then down the middle row, Edna bumping along, passing a line of wooden covers with their little solar arrays. They stopped at the last one. The empty one.

Mary hefted Edna up and set her on the ground. She stepped into the hole, hefted her again and settled her, legs spread on the porcelain saddle. She reached under the girl, spreading her ass cheeks, ensuring proper contact.

"There," she said, wiping the dirt form her hands. "Now, don't go anywhere. I'll be right back."

Edna knelt in the dirt, trembling. The ground was graded so that she half squatted, half knelt. The saddle cold against her bare flesh. She could feel a faint whisp of cool air against her anus and sex.

Mary grabbed the handles and the wheel barrow disappeared. Only to reappear laden with dirt - and a shovel.

Edna screamed NO!, but of course there was only the soft woosh of air, the plea barely a sound.

Mary stepped into the hole again, made a couple of more adjustments, ensured Edna was fully straddling the saddle, her orifices spread, open. Mary pulled on her work gloves, dug the shovel into the pile.

Edna screamed, helpless as the thick, brown soil enveloped her. Shovel by shovel the level rose. Mary tamped the soild down every minute or so, wedging Edna more and more tightly into the hole. When the level covered Edna's breasts, Mary took the wheel barrow away again.

Edna knelt, sobbing. Her rational brain was in denial, the animal in her terrified.

Mary returned with a second load. She shoveled the dirt in until it came to Edna's chin.

"Now, because you're a scientist, you'll appreciate this. The bottle, as I said, contains the perfect mix of compounds to ensure your perfect health. There are also other components for the plants. You asked about the process. Well, dear, you are the process. When the two are combined in your digestive tract, the resulting excretion is, well, technically fertilizer, but calling it that takes away from the truly remarkable qualities it contains. Magical properties."

"Now, dear, I will feed you three times a day. When you feel the tube in your mouth, just suck. The valve will open and close so that you can swallow between breaths. Okay? Good."

Mary pulled off her gloves and retrieved the bag. She pulled out a pink, silk sack and a pink snorkel, the tube was a good foot longer than normal.

She lay on the ground and pushed the mouthpiece against Edna's lips. Edna struggled, resisted vainly as Mary jammed the plastic into her mouth, wedged it behind her teeth. Instead of the usual rubber band, Mary used pink ribbons to tie the tube in place.

She picked up the sack, shook it, located the hole, fed the tube through it, and tugged the sack over Edna's head. She fastened it around the girl's throat with another pink ribbon.

"There. Now we won't mess up that pretty face."

Dirt began building up over Edna's shoulders. She was beyond terror, beyond panic. She knelt, shuddering. There was the thump, thump as more dirt built around her face, her scalp. Then the sounds became softer, the pressure building evenly as Mary filled the cylinder. There was one last bit of pressure as Mary pressed the lid into place, compacting the dirt just a bit more.

She mounted the feed bottle, fed the hose down into the tube. She flipped a switch and the small valve opened and closed, opened and closed.

She wiped her hands on her jeans, turned the wheel barrow and headed down the row.

"Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?

"With silver bells and cockle shells,

Mary smiled.

and pretty maids all in a row."

12.12.11