It's Only Money

"A pet!? You win the lottery and you want a pet."

"Mm."

"What kind of pet?"

"Something, er, different. Unique."

"Uh huh. And expensive."

"Hey. It's only money."

All talk of pets was forgotten in the month that followed. Nina was focused on their trip to Thailand. She didn't know why Gerry had chosen Thailand, but Nina went along with it. It was a trip out of the country. A trip to someplace foreign, exotic. But then the subject of clothes came up.

"What do you mean I can't buy clothes for the trip?"

"All that baggage is a hassle. We'll buy things as we need them when we get there."

She and Gerry weren't married, so technically she had no say in how he spent his money. But he had always been generous, denied her nothing. This rankled. What's the point of traveling if you didn't have pretty things to wear? But Nina accepted it. After all, how many people got to vacation in Asia? Nobody she knew, that's for sure.

Nina did her research. She discovered that Thailand was almost two different countries. There were the poorer, third-world areas and the most modern cities, in some ways more advanced than the west. Many wealthy people went there for state-of-the-art medical treatment. In fact, many cutting edge procedures that were banned here were available there - for a price.

Nina had always wanted to get her nose fixed. And her boobs could use a bit of work, too. When she asked him how long they'd be there he had said a month, maybe two. Nina wondered if she might sneak in a bit of cosmetic surgery while they were there.

The trip was long and tedious. Nina rethought the idea of travelling with only a carry-on and decided Gerry may have had a point after all. And now that they were there, she could go shopping! Yay!

Whether Gerry had been reading her mind or not about the nose job, she didn't know, but the next day she found herself in a doctor's office, a cosmetic surgeon named MacNeil. It was a bit of a shock to encounter this red-haired Scot in a country of brown people. He even had a brogue.

"I believe we're on the same page, Mr. Boudreau, but let's walk through it. There are still several options to be considered before we proceed."

"If we begin with the face," he said holding a model of a skull, "we can lengthen the nose."

Nina blinked, barked out a laugh. "You mean shorten, don't you?"

The doctor merely smiled at her. "Now we can leave the jaw intact or insert a prosthetic, longer, more sharply pointed."

"I'd rather leave it as is, but what about the teeth?"

"We'll remove several and replace them with appropriate implants. We'll also thin the lips so that the canines will be somewhat visible."

"At the other end, we'll implant a tail. It will be a combination of plastic and membrane which we'll have grown in a culture so as to resist rejection. Hair removed from the head will be implanted."

"Removed?"

"I'm sorry. Cuttings."

"Mm."

"And speaking of hair, while we cannot grow hair where there is none, we have drugs that have remarkable qualities to promote existing hair growth. You will have your choice of long hair or short or anything in between. There will be the need for some implants, however, as the coat will not fill in evenly, but there will be sufficient hair available for that. The usual problem areas, such as the hands and feet need not be addressed as they'll be removed."

Nina gaped. "Say what?"

The doctor glanced at her and continued.

"Now this is the complex part, but, really, it's simple orthopedics. We'll severe the bones below the knees and elbows. In the case of the forearms, we'll remove the radius and leave a bit of stub of the ulna. We'll have to adjust some of the ligament attachments from the upper arms, but this is a common practice. Many world-class gymnasts have gone on to be very successful after having torn ligaments repaired."

"The ulna will be capped. We use a porous ceramic that actually fuses with the surrounding tissue as it heals, similar to the way a broken bone will set. To this we add a rubber paw. They come in varying degrees of hardness. Around the house you may prefer something softer, quieter. While outside a harder paw might be more appropriate. You can swap them out as you prefer."

"Okay, Gerry, this is starting to creep me out. This is a joke, right?"

Gerry didn't answer, just reached out and squeezed her hand.

"What about the voice?"

"Oh, right. The changes to the lips will alter the voice a bit. We can either augment or remove the vocal chords. We can reshape the tongue. I can provide you with recordings of a variety of sounds."

"I think I'd prefer a quiet pet. Nothing worse than a yapper."

"Certainly."

"Is that it?"

"Well, no. You indicated that you would prefer her to be more pet-like in intelligence and temperament."

"Right."

"So then we'll begin with an MRI and radiation treatments. These will be targeted at the areas of the brain responsible for the higher functions and memory. It will create a clean slate, if you will, allowing the wiped brain to be imprinted with a new, more appropriate pattern. Most of the higher functions will be lost permanently, but she will acquire basic knowledge, understand simple commands, appropriate responses. She will be, in a word, trainable."

"House training?"

"She will have been properly trained before she leaves this facility."

The doctor glanced from Nina to Gerry.

"Any questions?"

"No. None that I can think of. But I may think of something later."

"No problem. The procedures will take place over several weeks. We can always make certain alterations if you have other thoughts. Okay?"

Gerry nodded.

The doctor stood.

"Shall we?"

Gerry led Nina through the door, down a hall, into a generic hospital room. There was a bed with rails, a chair, a medicine cabinet. Everything was in soothing shades of pale green.

Gerry led her to the bed and sat with her.

"Okay, Gerry, enough's enough. A joke is a joke, but this has gone too far. It's not funny, Gerry. It's - OW!"

Nina looked down as the doctor withdrew the needle from her arm. She felt an instant rush and then a kind of out of body sensation. There was a scratching at the door. The doctor opened it.

It walked in, whatever it was. It looked vaguely like a dog, but it had an Asian face. It was covered with thick, black, shiny hair. It had breasts, lightly-furred breasts that swayed when it moved. It trotted over to the doctor in an awkward, stilted way that no dog ever would. It licked the doctor's hand.

"Good girl!  This is Leelee. Say hello, Leelee."

Leelee raised her head and made a soft gruffing sound. She wagged her tail.

Nina's world went dark.

***

Gerry splashed some Johnny Walker Gold into his glass, sipped.

"Getting them out of the country was a hassle. I mean, I couldn't just crate 'em and fly 'em. Customs would ask question. Then there are the laws about importing animals. How do you explain that, no, this is not an animal, it's Nina Haart; here's her passport."

"Mm. So what did you do?"

TJ held up his glass and Gerry refilled it. As he walked by the couch Nina raised her head. Gerry reached out and scruffed her hair. The pet rolled onto her back, opened her legs. Gerry tickled her furry belly. Nina squirmed.

"I  had to smuggle them. I gotta tell ya, I was scared shitless the whole time. I mean, on the one hand, you can buy anything if you have the money, but these were bad dudes. But the doctor knew someone who knew someone, money changed hands, and here we are."

TJ sipped his drink.

"Do you, uh, you know, uh, do it with them?"

Gerry barked out a laugh.

"TJ, buddy, pal, it's okay to love your pets, but it's really not okay to love your pets. That's just sick."

"I dunno. Some Greeks might differ given the choice between them and sheep."

Gerry chuckled.

"And the other one? Suzy?"

At hearing her name, the dark haired pet looked up and wagged. She walked over to TJ. He ran his hand through the silky, black hair, scratched her behind the ear.

"Who's a good girl?"

Suzy wagged, made a small whimpering sound.

"I bought her. More like adopted her. Sometimes an owner gets tired of his pet, so there's a ready black market for them. I thought it would be good for Nina to have company."

"Must have cost a fortune."

"It did, but, hey, it's only money.

06.03.12