My name is Dahlia Jane Smith.
The name that belongs to me also belonged to my great-grandmother, an alias that I never felt was suited to me. No love came from that name, no familiarity when someone uses it whilst talking to me. Which way round was the issue? Was it that I had no connection to the name? Or the overall name of Dahlia was never supposed to include someone like me?
Do I put too much pressure onto my name? The simple idea that my life felt empty at this point and I had to blame something. That was most likely my problem, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Perhaps the name describes me too well and I’m not isolated from it but perhaps my life in general.
My name is Dahlia.
Chapter 1
My eyes opened once again to the same room I always find myself waking up from. The bland décor of my bedroom greets my groggy state. White walls, grey carpet, a wooden wardrobe and a single night-stand. The only other object to entertain my room was a painting that hung on the wall next to the door. It was of a young lady standing in a field, wearing a white dress that blows greatly in the wind.
I wouldn’t be able to tell you why I chose this painting, but it made me happy, because of that I dared not to diminish its emotional value by filling my house with any other pieces of art.
I turned to my alarm clock. I set it every weekday to 7am, to be at the same job at the same building for 9am. The clock read 6:58am. I lay back, staring once more at my blank ceiling and sighed loudly to the nothingness that is my house.
Everyday I ponder to myself what I would change around me, if I had the strength and/or energy; however nothing ever comes to mind. I turned off the alarm, this early I would prefer the silence of the morning compared to the harshness of the beeping reality.
I walked past the spare bedroom, the one room that has remained completely vacant since arriving in this building nearly two years ago. There was no need to put anything inside there, no one stayed around and I wasn’t materialistic enough to have plenty of objects scattered around to fill a box room.
The bathroom light bulb took a few minutes to flicker on. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the synthetic and blinding room. With my hands holding me up on the sink, I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
At 26 years old I was stuck between the stages of being young and stupid and mature and responsible, at this precise moment it doesn’t feel as if a set standard was present for me. My brown hair was always in a ponytail, no matter the situation or occasion. I loved having long hair and never could imagine it being short, but I always preferred it out of the way and never let any strand of hair hang free.
Hidden behind my slim-framed glasses, my eyes were also brown, adding to my boring presentation. Perhaps the only unique thing about me was my height, at 5 foot 11 inches I was a tall woman. Not gigantic by any means, however I did notice in a group of women that I was always looking over their heads.
The only thing I could be proud of was my body. I certainly felt as if I had grown into the height, with a modest breast size and a curvy slim figure, my body is definitely the last thing I would ever complain about. However, despite this, my bed usually would end up with only one occupant, most nights.
“Well, someone is blue today,” a familiar voice called out to me.
I sit down at my desk with a loud sigh, a coffee from the local shop growing cold in my right hand and putting my purse on the table in front of me with the left. I take one last sip with the coffee and throw it into the bin with a disgusted look on my face. The computer in front of me chimes, an email from Samuel, the head of marketing.
The email reads, ‘I said you look blue today, everything OK?’
A smile grew on my face, turning to the gentleman who sits behind me. The man whose voice called out to me before I sat down.
“Yes, Sam,” I sighed, “I am okay, Just need a moment as I didn’t sleep too well last night.”
“Okay,” he responded, before turning back to his computer, “As long as you are okay?”
I also returned to my computer. Working as an assistant manager in an up-and-coming energy company wasn’t the easiest job, it would always take me a while to get into the head-space to do my job to its fullest. Today I wore a short, form fitting dress that cut off just above my knees, mixing it between sexy and professional. Most days I would wear this or a shirt with a similar length skirt. This dress with a small layer of makeup, gave me the confidence to see the day through.
Sam was as gay as they came. He never took much seriously but was surprisingly good at giving life and relationship advice. The latter we personally never spoke about, this however, did not stop him teasing me about my lack of sex life.
He was a good looking guy, with short black hair and always freshly shaven. Everyday he wore a smart shirt with black, grey or blue trousers, his tie was the only questionable aspect of him, usually some weird colours or designs deliberately, most times they were out of season.
Both me and Sam worked for Greenfields Energy, a relatively new company that supplied energy to many homes for a really small cost, unlike all the larger companies. I did not know how it worked and I was hoping to never understand, it was my job to make sure everything was running well, it was my manager Abigail’s job to understand all minor details.
We worked in a small office building, currently a skeleton crew as we are in the process of employing new staff members. However me, Abigail and Samuel all shared a small office room away from the rest of the company, primarily because me and Abigail had manager roles, however we gave Samuel a space with us as we generally enjoyed his company. It was entirely a selfish choice on our part.
“Good morning, guys,” Abigail said, walking through the door and immediately taking her seat. Her computer screen lit up and she began automatically typing, a woman on a mission.
“Dahlia,” she says without taking her eyes off the screen, “I’m going to need you this morning. We have the interviews for the reception job and I’ll need you to sit in."
“Sure,” I responded with a smile, “Everything OK? You are going a hundred miles per-hour.”
“I need to get these emails sorted, and Stuart will be joining us today so we will have to be on our best behaviour.”
When she said ‘behaviour’, she quickly glanced at Samuel, who just smiled holding his pen in his mouth. I froze slightly, Stuart Terrance owned Terrance UK Energy Solutions, the parent company to this one and many more across the country.
I met him once briefly when the office was in its infancy, he was the one who initially interviewed me, with Abigail, but there was still something nerve-wracking about meeting a high-up person.
Abigail was usually calm and very easy-going, on most days she was a gossip and never took anything seriously. This tone was not her, however I wasn’t too sure how she is around the boss.
She finally finished her email and sat back in her chair, flicking her shoulder-length, auburn hair back and wrapping it up quickly in a bun. With that over with, she raised her hand towards her mouth and had a few unhealthy sounding coughs into it.
She had one final sigh before a knock at the office door interrupted her. She got up quickly and walked to the door. Every stomp of her heels vibrated the wooden floor underneath us.
It was at this moment when I realised that during this entire time I was just staring at my manager, from her doing the e-mails, to putting her hair up and to walking to the door, I just stared at her, probably with my mouth wide open.
“Good morning, Sir,” Abigail said, holding the door wide open, “I hope you have been well?”
Stuart Terrance entered the room, he was an older guy In his mid-forties. Short black hair and a small amount of stubble that has a few flecks of grey poking out. He looked tired, like a man who has too much on his plate, he has a set of folders under his arm. He wore a blue suit with a white shirt and a black tie. However, he did not look smart, as if he dressed himself in his car.
“Good morning, Abby,” he nodded his head towards Abigail, rather than shake her hand, something you would have considered someone high up to do.
He took a few steps into the office and looked at both me and Samuel in turn; he had a gentle face, something that I had forgotten about him. Abigail put her hand on his shoulder and pointed towards me. “Stuart!” she exclaimed, “You remember Dahlia Smith? She was the first person we hired at Greenfields.”
“I would never forget,” he smiled, holding a single wave from across the room, “Will you be joining me and Ms Taylor for the interviews today?”
“I will be,” I smiled back, I wanted to add to the sentence but words failed me.
“…and this,” Abigail continued, pointing towards Sam, “This is Samuel Fairchild, he is the head of marketing. He is temporarily with me and Miss Smith until we can find him permanent accommodation.”
“Well I hope he is keeping you girls away from trouble,” the older man said, while nodding towards Sam.
Stuart gestured towards the door, “I do apologise for rushing you ladies, but the next possible receptionist for this company is waiting in the lobby and I’ll have to be gone by the afternoon.”
“No problem, Sir,” Abigail nodded to the door and walked out.
With one last glance towards Samuel, who smiled with the pen in his mouth, I quickly made my way out of the room and followed the two down to the lobby. The entire way they were talking about the ideal candidate. The words smart, respectful and professional were thrown around the halls. Stuart walked at a fast pace with me and Abigail close behind him, struggling to keep up.
He held his hand on the door to the lobby and once again turned towards my manager. “I’ll be at the back of the room,” he said softly, “I can give my opinion but the final choice on the role will go to you two.”
“Are….are you sure?” Abigail stuttered.
“Yes,” he enforced, “I trust you two to make the right choice, I cannot be at every office all the time so you need to know your staff best.” With that Stuart opened the door, Abigail smiled at me before going through it and after a moment I was through it too.
The lobby was probably the largest room in the whole building, it was in the main hub to the rest of the rooms throughout the building. The reception desk was a table that was connected to the wall, it housed a small computer, an office chair and a few cabinets. In front of the desk were two large leather sofas that faced each other; this was the waiting area where the four job applicants were waiting for us.
“Ladies,” Stuart held his arms open, “Thank you for being patient with us. We will begin the interviews in a moment in a nearby office."
Me and Abigail stood behind him, for the first time in this job feeling smart being behind the boss. I glanced at each of the women, every single one of them were young. There was a lady with very short black hair, a small curvy figure and a large smile. She wore a black shirt and black trousers with a red scarf. There were two brown haired women, one shoulder-length and one in a ponytail, similar to my hairstyle. One wore a white shirt, short black skirt and black tights, the other wore a flower dress with a black cardigan wrapped in her hands.
The fourth and final woman…
One glance made my legs start to tingle, feeling like the early stages before they would collapse. She was a small, young woman… very small, however it was impossible to tell whilst she was sitting.
She had a plain face, her skin was a very pale white, her eyes were massive and blue like the cleanest of oceans. Her thin lips held tight together apart from the occasional time her tongue came out and forced them to part. She had short blonde hair that hung over her face, almost covering it entirely; but I took in every detail. She had a small, cute nose that turned up at the very bottom. Her hair was impossibly blonde, almost like a white blonde, she had two long bangs that traveled lower than the rest of her hair.
She wore a white dress, it was a simple design that cut off just below her knees and at the end of her legs were two tiny black shoes that shone in the light. Inside the shoes were white socks that didn’t stand out too well in comparison to her skin.
Her body was completely void of any jewellery or accessories. No rings on her small hands, no bracelets on her impossibly thin wrists, not even any makeup on her face. She was completely natural.
Her big sad eyes were fixed onto Stuart, she looked like she could cry at any moment, I hoped that it was just the way she was. My heart couldn’t bear the idea of this girl crying.
Finally her eyes fell off Stuart and then went onto Abigail, who was nodding at all the details that he went over. At that moment I realised her next glance would have been at me, I mentally prepared it in my mind but I was nervous, I felt numb.
My eyes went from Abigail back to the young woman and she was already staring at me. Our eyes locked and I visibly flinched. I felt like my soul was about to fall out of my body and dissolve through the floor, but the calm waters of her eyes kept me afloat.
Our stares continued for what felt like hours, until Stuart began walking to the nearest office.
“Okay,” Abigail said, her voice sounding impossibly loud, “We will talk to Susie first?”
The woman in the floral dress smiled and stood up, once again I dared myself to look at the small, blonde haired girl. She was now looking at her shoes, but the warm fuzzy feeling didn’t pass.
I felt Abigail’s hand pat my shoulder, “You okay?”
I looked back at her, “Yeah," I whispered, coming out of a trance.
“I feel like I am a positive thinking person,” Susie smiled, “A positive mind can help in every way.”
“Well” Abigail said, “You certainly seem like a good candidate, anything you would like to add, Dahlia?”
My mind was absent. I was stuck in this small room with Abigail next to me and Stuart behind us, the loud scribbling of Stuart’s men kept me from daydreaming completely. The room had a small window that showed the set of trees that lived outside but it didn’t help with the feeling of claustrophobia. The two nature paintings that sat opposite on the walls were supposed to help with that.
“Dahlia?” she said, louder.
“I’m sorry,” my voice broke, “I’m happy, you seem like a lovely, professional woman.”
Susie smiled at me. It was a heartwarming smile, she seemed like the lady who would be happy in a storm. She looked back at Abigail, who shook her hand and then shook mine. Abigail said to her about when they will contact her and within seconds I was alone with my manager and her boss.
“Are you sure you are okay?” Stuart called from behind us, “You can go back to your desk if you want?”
“No” I jumped up, “I’m okay, who’s next? I’ll go grab her.”
“Umm…” he shuffled through his paperwork, “Carolyn Beaching.”
I walked out of the door, I could feel the heat in my cheeks as I took the small number of steps to the reception. The three women were silent and awkward. I tried not to look directly at her so I focused on Susie who was just walking out of the front door.
“C-Carolyn?” I called out to the room, quickly glancing between the three women. Each time I landed on her I took a moment longer than the rest. It felt so good to even look at her.
>Click<
I felt like an audible click went off in my head as once more our eyes locked for a second, before she looked at one of the brown haired girls who stood up. My heart ached as I had to turn away from her to greet Carolyn.
“So what improvements can you make to our company?” I asked her.
We had been sitting in the office once again for five minutes, exchanging pleasantries and asking her straightforward questions, each time she gave a really good answer. She had a wonderful personality and both Stuart and Abigail seemed to have approved of her.
“Dahlia,” Stuart called behind me, “could you bring in Robyn Freeman? That is Robin with a Y… Interesting spelling.”
“Sure thing,” I said, standing up and once again walking towards the door.
“Dahlia?” Abigail asked, “I’m starting to get a sore throat, do you think you can ask the questions for the next candidate?”
I turned around to see her putting cough medicine on the table, “Yeah, no problem.”
I closed the door behind me and heard the muffled conversation between the two, the only bit I could make out was Stuart asking how long she had the cough for. I put my hands together and squeezed them together to mentally prepare myself once again to be in that woman’s presence and once more I took the few steps to the reception room.
Only one of the brown haired girls remained, the blonde girl was nowhere to be seen. I looked around and must have looked visibly saddened as she looked at me questioningly.
“Umm…” I took a moment to collect my thoughts before pointing to the woman, “Robyn Freeman?”
The woman shook her head, the bottom lip appeared whilst doing so, after a moment she pointed behind her to the bathroom. My eyes followed her direction and prepared myself for a small wait. However, my heart skipped slightly when I saw her head move past the frosted glass of the door and in an instant her small frame appeared into view. She was wiping her hands on the bottom of her skirt and was preparing herself to walk to the sofa, until she spotted me and stopped in her tracks.
“Robyn?” I mustered up the energy to ask.
She stood upright and nodded her head, “Uh, yes?”
Standing up I could see how small she was. She must have been a whole foot smaller than me at least, and her small proportions made her seem much tinier than that. Her eyes, still in this normal situation, looked like she was on the verge of tears, they were so big.
I walked over to her and held out my hand.
“It’s lovely to meet you,” I shot her my biggest smile, “I’m Dahlia”
She returned the handshake but instead of bending it and meeting my hand half way, she held her hand out fully extended, making her hand miss mine completely. I chuckled to myself and moved a few inches to complete the handshake. After a group of awkward movements, we dropped our hands and returned to standing in front of each other.
“So!” I concluded, “Let’s go to the room and get this over with.”
I tried to soften the reality for the small woman, I could tell from her body language that she was very uncomfortable in this situation. She put her hands together, a similar way to how I mentally prepared talking to her and began following me to the room. I couldn’t get over how small she was, the top of her head went just below my shoulder.
“Don’t worry about anything,” I tried to add to the comfort, “despite the other two in the room, I will be the only one asking questions, So it will be like we are having a normal conversation, okay?”
With my hand on the doorknob I took a moment to look behind myself and look once more towards the girl.
She smiled, “Thank you," seemingly happy with the small amount of weight taken off her shoulders.
“So what interested you in taking a receptionist role for Greenfields?” I asked her, glancing at her CV.
For a moment the room was silent. Stuart behind me wasn’t taking any notes and Abigail was unusually quiet, probably struggling with her cold.
Robyn sat nervous in front of us, glancing everywhere in the room apart from the three people in front of her. She was slightly slouched in her chair and sat on her hands. It was painfully apparent how uncomfortable she was.
Her CV was sparse. It had her details put clearly, but the rest of the CV, qualifications and experience was minuscule. Her full name was Robyn Anne Freeman, she was twenty years-old. She had five GCSEs, and left education straight afterwards. No work experience apart from a cash-in-hand, part-time cleaning job.
I knew from the beginning she wasn’t eligible for this job.
“Umm,” she kept saying to herself.
I looked up, completely unaware that she was still trying to answer the same question I asked her a few moments ago.
“People here seem nice,” she finally said, “I enjoy being around happy people.”
A part of my heart melted for her. The smile she gave us at the end of her sentence cemented how I felt for her.
I took a quick sigh and shoved her CV into a folder with the rest of the documents. I placed both my hands on the table, quietly deciding to myself that if she is unable to get the job, I’ll spend the rest of the interview enjoying her company.
“So,” I put my hand to my chin, “What is your dream job?”
I noticed Abigail perked up at my random questioning, however my eyes did not leave the blonde woman in front of me.
“Uh, I’m not sure,” she answered, putting her right index finger under her chin, “Probably a job where I can help people? Maybe a vet? I like animals.”
“That’s nice,” I lean back on my chair, “Can I ask? How tall are you?”
“Four foot and eleven inches,” she said, nodding her head, “I wanted to reach five foot, however I stopped growing.”
A large grin appeared on my face, there was something about the way she joked about it with her seriousness that made it adorable. Her already thin lips seemed to have disappeared in a way to say she answered the question and was happy with her answer and was waiting for the next answer. Against company policy, I memorised her number.
We walked out of the interview room, I unconsciously put my arm around her as I led her to the front door. She remained quiet as I told her the typical company policy stuff. How long we will keep her documents, when we will call her if she gets the job, I went through everything. I just wanted to talk to her.
I opened the door for her and she stood out, nodding to me as she walked past.
“Hey,” I stopped her, she turned around and her eyes re-locked onto mine. No longer sad as if she’s glad the experience is over, “You did well.”
“Thank you,” she said, quietly. She nodded and turned around once more. Within seconds she was out of view, but I watched her the entire time. I could never explain my feelings for her to someone else, they came out of nowhere and in the few short minutes since I first saw her, she completely changed me. Returning to the lobby, which now felt a lot more empty. I was greeted by the last brown-haired woman, who stood up.
“Let’s go,” I smiled towards her.
Me and Abigail fall onto our chairs with a groan. The chill of the morning had transcended into a dull heat of the afternoon, the clock read half past twelve. Stuart had left the building and the strain of being professional had finally escaped us.
Pulling a pen out of her hair and slamming it onto the table, Abigail broke the moment of silence.
“I’m thinking of going with Carolyn,” she pulled a team of hair clips out and I watched it drop to her shoulders, “What do you think?”
“Yeah,” I said, a little disappointed that she didn’t discuss the rest of the candidates with me, but I understood that Carolyn was the obvious choice.
“By the way, what were those questions you asked that Robyn girl?” she drank out of a freshly made coffee cup.
“She wasn’t getting the job,” I rubbed my eyes, “I just wanted to make it easy for her to talk to us, how did she even get the interview in the first place? Did you see her CV?”
It hurt so much to talk about her negatively, but I didn’t want the two to guess my intentions. I didn’t know how I felt about her. It felt like love at first sight but I never had feelings like that towards another girl before.
“I don’t know, Probably head office accidentally put her file in,” Abigail said, with finality in her voice. Her computer screen once again turned on and her hands rapidly hit the keyboard, answering email after e-mail. She looked content with her answer, Carolyn would be our new receptionist.
An accident? I thought to myself, one that I am glad happened.
That night, I lay on my sofa with a book in my hand and the TV on in the background. I lived in a bungalow just on the outskirts of the local town, I had a few neighbours scattered around the area but a lot of the nearby locations were just farmlands, so on nights like this everything was very quiet and lonely. I had never noticed how lonely this place made me feel until meeting Robyn today. Never before had I desired the company of a certain person.
The living room was by far the largest part of the house. The television sat on the opposite side of the room to the sofa I was currently on. Near the television was a single chair that I never really used, it was part of the same set as the sofa. A glass table was next to the sofa, scattered on it were a few magazines that I picked up but never read.
On the other side of the room was a large bookshelf, filled with classic books from the likes of H.G Wells and Dickens. Near the books were a few photos in frames, all from my family. All the pictures were of me, my brother and my father.
One of the photos was of my late mother, smiling whilst holding me as a baby.
At the end of the living room was an open space for a dining room table. Something I have yet felt the need to possess and beyond that room was the kitchen. A door from the kitchen led outside to the patio, the same place the front door led to, my bungalow was essentially a giant L shape. I loved the house, but I couldn’t deny how lonely it was, how little love filled its walls.
With a thump, I close the book. The desire to continue reading left hours ago. The only thing that filled my mind at that moment was Robyn. Every moment that went by I tried to figure out a reason to talk to her, but no reason came to mind that wouldn’t make me look good.
I took off my glasses and put them onto the table. The feeling of tiredness overcame me and the sound of the television felt so far away. I needed to sleep.
“C’mon, please work, please work.” I turned my key in the ignition for the fifteenth time but the engine wouldn’t start. My head hit the steering wheel, causing the horn to blare out for a second. It was only Tuesday and my week was already taking a bad turn. Today, I wore the same dress as I wore yesterday, this time with tights on due to the colder turn in the weather. I picked my handbag up from the passenger seat and slammed the door behind me, the temptation to kick the door came and passed very quickly.
I took out my phone and dialled a number as I began walking from my drive.
“Hey Abby,” I groaned into the phone, “I’ll be late coming in, my car won’t start. I’m walking to the bus stop now, I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Abby accepted my excuse gracefully.
“Thank you,” I continued, “I'll get it looked at tonight, I'll see you soon.”
I turned off the call and once again went through my phone, pressing one of the contacts and once again putting the phone up to my ear.
“Hey Daddy,” I tried to say in a happy tone, “Yeah, I’m okay. The car has given up the ghost. Could you pop round when you are free and take a look at it? …Yeah? Thank you so much. Alright, I’ll see you later, love you."
It wasn't long until I reached the bus stop that sat at the end of the road. It began raining , but was very light. Almost refreshing compared to the dull, humid heat of the day before. At the bus stop were two older women sitting down, struggling to get their umbrella open, wearing long coats and scarfs. A young woman standing on the other side, wore a blue hoodie which had sort of cat ears on the top, a pair of white shorts and pink trainers. It initially struck me as odd as to why she would be wearing shorts in this weather, however I decided to brush the feeling off.
I looked back at the two older ladies, who managed to get their umbrella open and seemed very pleased that they were now in the dry. I then glanced once more at the girl, still trying to figure out the reason for her outfit. Her feet turned in slightly, as if her toes pointed towards each other. That was when I noticed her height and it reminded me exactly of Robyn yesterday. My heart began thumping in my chest, even people who reminded me of her made me catch my breath. I noticed that I was staring right at the poor girl, I must have looked like a weirdo.
The girl, while still looking forward, moved slightly. Causing her hair to become visible for a split second, it was short and blonde, impossibly blonde…. Just like…
“Robyn?” I yelled, confused.
That was completely unintentional. I didn’t have any words to follow them, I didn’t know if it was the same girl or someone completely different. At that moment, I wish I could take it back. I could still turn and walk away I guess.
The girl turned towards me, her giant eyes within the hood contrasting with her white skin. She moved her blonde hair out of the way and smiled.
It was her.