I heard a knock at my house’s front door. I wasn’t expecting anyone this evening, definitely not so soon after getting home from work. I opened the door to see my fiancée, Heather. She could dress to the nines and give a dead man a woody. Heather at the moment was dressed to the twelves.
“Promise me tonight you’ll do anything I ask. Stephen. Anything.” she demanded. I normally was inclined to give her the world, looking like this even more so.
“I won’t jump off a building, but…”
“Just promise me. Yes or no.” She seemed fidgety, a little off. She was always beautiful, right now stunningly beautiful. Long brown hair curled around her face, makeup and mascara and eyeliner and everything, more than the whole nine yards. A stunning silk minidress wound tightly around her and dropped in front well into her cleavage, confirming the lack of a bra that her nipples on her medium-large pear-shaped breasts made obvious. She looked like she was ready to step into a magazine shoot. She looked way better than she did last night in that black micro-minidress, and she looked breathtaking last night.
She was my fiancée. She wasn’t about to ask me to step off the roof of a building. “I promise. Now what’s this about?”
She pushed past me, closed the door behind her. It was warm inside the house compared to outside and she looked more comfortable. She had that determined look in her eyes that always promised adventure… or trouble.
Heather was beautiful, at least for me a dream come true. She tells me I am that to her, but she had a pretty crappy life before she got to college, or at least parts of it. Her father had been a drunk and about the time she was nine had started beating her and her younger brother and her mother when he was drunk and things went wrong. One time when he was about to beat her little brother one more time her mother had knocked him unconscious with a frying pan and the three had escaped that night. It had left her scarred, untrusting of men for one thing, damaged and she’d admit that too, something that we had our moments with but she knew I was on her side and loved her and she was healing. She had been a really wild child for a long time, but said once she had met me I had given her a reason to settle down, which she did and had promised me that now that she was with me those days were behind her. Nothing she had done in the two years we dated and the almost-year we’ve been engaged made me worry about that. Her life had made her one of the most determined people I had ever met and fortunately for me she was determined to marry me. She had her loose and crazy side that I only saw when we got drunk, really wild and crazy, but most of the time she was determined to get her pharmacology degree and never find herself or her children in a world like she had grown up in.
She didn’t seem to have talking, including answering my question, on her mind. She reached over to me and pulled off my shirt, then reached for my shorts and sent them with my undershorts to the ground. Baby, I thought, if that’s all you wanted why did you bother to get all dolled up? We’re just going to wreck all your wonderful work. But instead, she led me back to my favorite overstuffed chair in my living room and gave me a gentle push so I sat down in it.
She reached down and untied the cloth belt that held her dress closed and handed it to me. Then right there in my living room with the front windows open she whipped off the dress. She was naked underneath it, breathtaking as always, her medium-large breasts rising and falling gently, good curves down to a well-trimmed patch between her legs. Despite everything I felt myself go instantly hard. She handed me the belt and then turned her back to me, facing incidentally toward the open window where no one currently was, but if someone walked by and looked in they’d see everything of her. Everything she had been doing so far, especially this, was so unlike her it was starting to worry me.
Her wrists were together behind her bare and lovely back. “Tie my hands together.” She ordered me. “And I mean tight. Really tight. No chance at all that I’m getting out of it.”
My head was swimming, and I was immobile while she stood there with her back to me, waiting. This was borderline insane. We had plenty of sex, played games sometimes and tied each other up, mostly me tying her up and then teasing her for a while, but it wasn’t a big thing, we were both quite happy with standard sex.
I did what she asked. I wrapped the cloth belt several times around her wrists and then a couple of more cinching loops between them. It was nice and tight; she wasn’t getting out of it. She tried for a minute or two and came to the same conclusion. She turned around, her nipples were quite hard, and thanked me.
She flicked her long hair in both directions, working to move it out of her face since she couldn’t at the moment do that with her hands. She smiled and knelt between my legs and before I really knew what was happening her lips had sunk deep onto my cock and most coherent thought, as normally happened when she did that, became difficult.
She was taking her time, drawing it out, seeming to want to drive me crazy. I wondered what was going on. Did Heather have some sort of agenda and was trying to send me a message? Did something happen last night in her girls’ night out to get her horny and now she was working it out with me? If so, why this? The bondage angle wasn’t unusual between us but we weren’t overboard with that sort of thing either. She had impromptu moments where she surprised me, this was a little beyond normal but not too far. At any rate, Heather was making me feel marvelous and I was hungry for it to continue and especially for the upcoming conclusion.
Last night, Sunday night, she had been out on a girls’ night with some of her girlfriends. I hadn’t been super-thrilled about it, but one of her old gang had come into town and they were having a get-together dinner, maybe go out for a few drinks, then she’d be home to her apartment in time for sleep and work this morning. Even though with my past I had trust issues I just acknowledged her choice to go and wished her a good time. I had to get over my demons sooner or later and decided today was as good a day as any. My previous relationship had ended when I found the woman I thought was my keeper turned out to have slept around me with several other guys and when confronted pretty much laughed in my face about it. It took me a while to get over that, and Heather helping me had been part of it. The thought crossed my mind, the women Heather had been out with were her friends from her wild days, when Heather had burnt a trail though her circle of male friends since I wasn’t in her picture yet. Not with me, since I was with Jenni at that time blissfully unaware Jenni was burning her own trail behind my back. Heather had known what Jenni was doing (and thought she was an idiot) but hadn’t told me. I confronted her on it once; Heather reminded me of several conversations she and I had during that time when Heather was plainly trying to point it out to me without humiliating me by slapping me in the face with it. Even back then, she admitted, she was liking what she saw in me.
Her actions down in my lap were wonderful, they always were. She was incredible in just about every way sexually. She had a great figure, dressed to show it off but not in a slutty way. I had encouraged her to wear some of her really shorter skirts to work and be a bit more free there in her wardrobe but she had resisted. It was her professional environment and while she worked for that hot body and didn’t want people to forget she had it; she said her wild days like that were back in college and in her past now, and she didn’t want to give me the slightest worries in that area given mine. Besides if I had any complaints about what she wore when out with me all I had to do was ask, which was true. No complaints there, for example what she had walked into my house wearing or was wearing right now.
I couldn’t say this was out of character; it wasn’t but it was way on the outside. Going down on each other was common, although we preferred the more traditional activity. Her being tied up was something we had done a bit, but this was the first time for the two of them together like this. She really made good use of her hands when she was doing this sort of thing and I was missing that a little, but she really wanted things this way right now, and what she was doing was feeling as good as any experience I had like this and I could sense myself working up to the inevitable conclusion. Looking down her bare back to her wrists tightly tied behind her only helped things along.
Heather seemed to sense it too. She stopped, licked her lips and looked up at me. “Where you come is up to you. Grab my hair with both hands and hold on tight. When you come, put me wherever you want me. My hands are tied behind my back and I can’t stop you. You could come all over my breasts or see if you can glue my eyes shut. Nothing I can do about it like this, including cleaning it off. If it were up to me I want to suck down every drop but it’s not up to me this time.” After that she immediately went back to work, trying to lose as little momentum as possible.
I grasped her hair as requested; after all I had promised I would do anything she asked. I held her hair loosely but with my hands well enough in it to grab a firm hold and control her any time I wanted. She seemed satisfied by this and kept bobbing wonderfully slowly up and down.
It was so easy to just get lost in how good what she was doing felt, but I had to make a decision. I wasn’t much for decorating girls, but hell, it would be different to come all over her knowing she had to live with it until I let her loose. But I loved the way she sucked me dry and would swallow every drop, that’s what we normally did, and I decided that it would happen this time, too. So when I felt myself passing over the wall I grabbed her hair with both hands and held her head still, halfway down my cock, while I spurted into her mouth and down her throat. She held still and didn’t complain, sucking in every bit without losing a drop.
When she was done she pulled back and looked up at me. She had a look in her eyes, I’d call it a cross between unhappy and determined, that made no sense based on the last fifteen minutes. Then she took a breath and began to speak.
“Stephen, I want you to put both hands around my throat and choke me. Really tight, so I can’t breathe, for at least a count of five.” She knelt still in front of me, head held high and neck exposed, waiting for me to do what she asked.
This was bizarre. I couldn’t believe she was asking me to do that. I knew enough of her history to want to tell her not just no but hell no. I knew about her childhood, how she had been abused and beaten by her father. Her father died several years later, but it had left Heather scarred in her psyche, so much that her second boyfriend was someone who would hit her too, then use her sexually when she was cowering and too scared to resist. Fortunately for him that happened in another state, because if I ever came across the bastard I had long ago vowed to beat him into a coma. I had been raised to understand that a man did not EVER become violent with a woman, and that was a thousand times more true with Heather and what she had been through. Especially how wonderfully perfect she had been with me.
“Wait… what? You can’t be real. No way.”
“You promised me you’d do anything I asked. Prove it. Or is your word no good?” That was dirty pool. She was really, really serious to pull that card. She knew how I felt about keeping one’s word, and it was especially true of relationships: If your word couldn’t be trusted you as a person were just useless.
Okay, she wins. I reached out and closed my hands around her throat. No pressure on it, but all I would have to do is squeeze. “I don’t like this, baby.” I told her. “I don’t ever want to hurt you.”
She gulped but kept her cool. She was naked with her hands securely tied behind her back and my hands were around her throat. I could squeeze and there was little she could do about it and I could choke her until she lost consciousness or worse. Then she said words that chilled me to the bone. “I need to tell you something, and once I do it might not be so hard.”
My hands tightened for a second around her throat just a little but I caught myself. Whatever it was, and I had a really bad feeling...
She continued. “I want you to know I really, really, really love you. I’m kneeling naked in front of you, my hands are tied behind me and I’m helpless. You could do anything you wanted to me and we both know it. You’ve promised me you’ll choke me and cut off my airway and if you decided to go longer than five seconds there’s nothing I could do.” She was scared at this but holding things together. “I can still taste your cum in my mouth. I love you so much, and want to spend the rest of my life with you, but that might not happen now.” She stopped, was at a loss for words for a second. “Stephen, I’m more sorry than I’ve ever been in my life. I realize that the chances we can survive this is microscopic, but I can’t and won’t lie to you or live in fear that one day you’ll find out anyway. But” she slumped and started to cry, then continued in a whisper. “I’m so sorry. I got drunk last night and I had sex with another guy.”
She was right; it wasn’t hard. I squeezed. My mind was reeling, what in the world was she thinking knowing me to put herself in this position and then telling me this? Did she really want to die? To her credit, she just knelt there and took it. I could tell she could barely get a whisper of air past my hands but she still looked me in the eyes and waited. She could probably go without breathing for thirty seconds or more and we were still well short of that.
She struggled a little but held it under control. It was enough to break me out of my red haze and I relaxed my grip back to where it was before. My hands around her neck could be tightened up again at any time, but she would have no problems breathing. “What did you do?” It was barely a whisper through clenched teeth. She was perfectly aware my hands were still around her throat.
“I.. I… we went to a different bar and kept drinking. It was with one of the performers there. We both went down on each other and I…” she broke into tears for a second. “I tea bagged him. I was drunk. I was so stupid, I let myself be put in that situation. I should have known better but did it anyway. I’ve hurt you and I just want to make it go away and do it over and not do that, but I can’t do that, can I? I was stupid and it was a mistake that I swear I will never make again, but it’s too late, isn’t it? I was stupid as fuck and did that to you. I want to marry you and grow old with you. But I’ve lost you now.” She broke down and wept loudly openly, not caring about where she was or where my hands were. I was still very angry but other feelings, protective feelings, were starting to surface. I came down from the chair and knelt in front of her and held her as she continued to drench my shoulder.
She finally stopped to come up for some air. “I know I’ve lost you. I know what you’ve been through and I knew from day one that you would never forgive me if I did what Jenni did to you. I vowed I never would, it was no problem, I love you and don’t want anyone else. But now I’ve screwed that up and lost you. I don’t want to live a lie; I can’t live a lie. I don’t want to live worried that someday you’ll find out and leave me. I don’t, I really don’t, please God I don’t want to lose you, but what Jenni did to you… The only thing I can do is tell you and tell you the truth. You’ll leave me because I am a stupid bitch and fucked up and you can’t trust me anymore, but if you leave me it won’t be because I ever lied to you. At least I can have that much.” She broke down and began crying again.
She finally stopped. “I know you’re mad. I know you probably hate me now. You could throw me out the door just like this, naked and with my wrists tied behind my back, out there into the middle of the cold night and I’d deserve it. I expect you’ll just tell me to get dressed and never see you again.” More crying. “But if there’s the slightest chance we can work past this, I’ll run for it. I know the chances of staying with you after this are subatomic, but I love you and don’t want to lose you and I’ve just got to make you see how much I love you. And how badly I fucked up and I will NEVER do that again. I love you and all I want is you!”
“Tell me everything.”
She took a deep breath and struggled a little bit, getting comfortable but not trying to break free from my hands. “You know I was going out with my old gang from college. We went to Reynolds as planned, had a few drinks, talked about old times, laughed a lot.
“Tara suggested we go to Bonneventures, they were having a ladies’ night last night.” Bonneventures was an adult club, generally the standard female dancers and male clientele, but some nights like last night apparently they flipped and had male performers. She continued “My first bad decision. I wasn’t that drunk, I should have just said good night and gone home but I didn’t.
“We kept drinking at Bonnie’s and as we got more drunk we got wilder. The girls were teasing me about being on the prowl because of the LBD I was wearing, but I just blew them off. They kept teasing me about it and we kept drinking and, well, I started to weaken. Carrie made a dare that everyone takes off and gives someone else their panties and when everyone else did I did too. One of the dancers, I don’t even remember his name, seemed to like me, but it might have been that Carrie was getting him to pay attention to me. But..” she stopped, unhappily. “Do I really need to tell you this?”
She looked up at me. I just stared back, my head still spinning, waiting. My heart was something between a block of ice and a flaming brick, but I knew in the cold fury I wanted, needed to hear it all. Either I heard it now or she’d never tell me and I’d be left with my imagination for the rest of my life. “What you are saying now is probably fatal. Me someday finding out something you didn’t tell me tonight is definitely fatal.”
She saw the unwavering stone on my face and swallowed before she continued. “Carrie paid him to do a lap dance for me, and I know I should have stopped that, but there was the peer pressure and the alcohol. That was my second mistake. I should have said no, never let that happen. If I wanted a lap dance I should have come home and asked you. But I was caught up in the old vibes and… yeah, they promised you’d never find out from them, and I was so drunk so.. so I let it happen.
“We were in a semi-private area and the club was closed except for women. With the lap dance my legs were open, and of course in that dress it rode all the way up. The dancer offered to go down on me, and Carrie told him she would cover it.
“That was mistake three, the big mistake, opening my legs to him. The other girls teased me that it was just him going down on me, it wasn’t really sex so it wasn’t cheating, and I shouldn’t be afraid to be a woman and live a little. So I finally gave in and said yes. I screwed up, and I shouldn’t have. Marcie had this great big purse she shoved behind me, making me scoot way forward in my chair, and Marcie and Carrie held my arms so I couldn’t move away, and he knelt down and went down on me.”
Heather looked up to see if I was taking this badly. I was, but my face was still stone. She swallowed and continued. “I was drunk, and he wasn’t as good as you, but he was pretty good. You know what I’m like when I get drunk, and I think they did too.” I did. She simply lost all control in situations like that and had been that way since before we met. “He did me until I was horribly, horribly turned on, but hadn’t come yet. He said if I wanted that I needed to do the same to him for a while. All the other girls loved the thought and urged me on. I was so horny I would have humped a doorknob and I wish I had, but I didn’t. I went down on him for a while and he seemed to like it too. Then he told me to stand up, he rolled on a condom, then told me if I wanted to come, come straddle him and take it.” She shook her head in shame, almost squeaked. “I did. I was so far gone I didn’t care about a damn thing anymore. I figured why not, in the back of my mind I knew I had lost you for what I had already done, so why not? So I did and tea bagged his cock until we both came.” She started to cry anew. “When my head cleared I realized what I had done, how I had like an idiot just destroyed the best thing that had ever happened to me. I was so sick I just wanted to crawl away and die. I told the other girls I wasn’t feeling good anymore and called my Uber and went home and cried all night. I know you’ll never trust me again, and after last night I don’t deserve it. I swear on a thousand Bibles that’s all that happened, I swear blood on it. But it’s enough, isn’t it?
“I couldn’t lie to you, and not telling you is a lie, too, even though I know you’ll leave me for it. I took about twenty showers trying to wash the stain off me. I’ve gargled with mouthwash about thirty times, even swallowed some of it, just to be sure. I took a quick STD test this morning which came back negative and a clinical one that won’t be back until Thursday although he had a condom on the whole time I tea-bagged him. You may be mad that I went down on you before I told you, but I just wanted the taste of your cum in my mouth so I could drive out the taste from last night. If you’re angry with me so be it and I completely understand, it’s just if I’m going to be going without that taste in my mouth for a while I wanted the last taste of that in my mouth to be you.”
She looked up at me, locked eyes with me. “But please forgive me, I’m begging you. I know what I did was wrong. If you leave me I only have myself to blame. I was stupid as a rock, and I have never been and will never be more sorry for what I’ve done than this for anything in my life. It will never, ever, ever happen again. I love you and want to grow old with you. I made a mistake. I made a huge, endless, undying mistake and I can’t tell you how ashamed I am. It will certainly never happen again, but hopefully not because I’ve driven you away.
“I won’t ask to be trusted anymore. If I do have a chance to go out with friends, I’ll only go if you say I can. I want to be with you worlds more than anyone else, and if you need extra control and verification it’s my own doing. I’d want you with me. If you don’t choose to come along I’ll turn the locator in my phone on so you can check where I am any time you want. You can come check on me at any time when I’m out and I’ll be happy to see you and know that you know that I’m being good. I burned that down last night, and I have no problem from here on out proving to you that I’m not screwing up again.
“I’ll break all contact with any or all of the others that were there last night. I don’t think I’ll ever speak to Carrie again anyway, she was the worst for egging me on, but if you don’t want me to be around or associate with any of them, well, if it’s a choice between them or you then I choose you.
“If you just give me a chance, to show you how sorry I am, for the next month I’ll do anything you say. Until the sun comes up the morning after Fourth of July, I’ll forget how to say ‘no’. Want me to walk naked down Grantholm Boulevard? Tell me where I start walking and where it ends. Want sex, a blow job somewhere? Even at one of our works? Just tell me you want it and off we go. You’ve said a while ago a few times you wanted to try anal with me but I said no. For the next month you won’t hear ‘no’. I think you should tie me down securely and gag me so I know I have no choice but to let it happen, but my ass is yours without complaint any time you want it. You want me to go to work in shorter skirts or more sheer clothes? I don’t want to but you could hand me clothes and I’d put on only what you gave me and go out the door to be at work all day in just that. If you didn’t want to give me certain things, like a bra or panties, that’s part of the deal. And you’re invited to come check on me any time you want with zero notice and I’ll prove to you how much you mean to me. Because you do. I know you’ll probably leave me, but if you give me just a shred of a chance I’ll show you how sorry I am and how much you mean to me. Just a shred of a chance. Please, baby, please.”
She looked at me, waiting for an answer, but my face was still made of stone. Oh yes, I could take her up on the offer for the month. I could have a lot of fun. I wondered if she was worried that I would take her up on the offer for the month then kick her to the curb afterward. But I realized she knew, and knew correctly, that I wasn’t that sort of man. If I had decided I was through with her I wouldn’t have anything to do with her sexually, I didn’t use people like that. As long as we were doing things sexually there was still something there. Which was probably why she had made such an outlandish offer.
But she didn’t even see a flicker in my face. Something in her eyes slumped, resigned, but she pulled herself up straight and looked down and spoke in a quiet voice. She was playing her last cards, what she hoped she’d not need to offer.
“If you’re still mad at me, if it makes any difference, then go ahead and hit me. Beat the shit out of me.”
I involuntarily recoiled at the thought but she continued. “Just this once, mind you, if it will help, then get it out of your system and do it. That’s why I had you tie my hands behind my back, so if it came to this you could do it and I couldn’t fight back. Just get it out of your system. I’ll just crawl away when you’re done, lie to people about what happened, not go to the police or anyone. A freebie. Just this once. I really, really deserve it.” She took a deep breath. “And it’s not like that’s never been done to me before.”
“Close your eyes.” I ordered her.
She couldn’t believe it when I drew back my hand to smack her. If I brought that hand across to her I’d knock her clean on to her side, and then whatever other abuse she took would follow. I could see a look of sadness fill her face, she truly never imagined I would actually do this to her. And then her eyes closed. She wouldn’t even be able to see the blow coming, maybe get a microsecond’s advance warning from the sound of the wind as my hand approached her face. But if that’s what it took to prove to me how sorry she was then that’s what it would take. She’d prove it to us both. Eyes closed she waited, listening carefully for the sound of the hand approaching, maybe she’d get that split-second of advance warning.
Inside her heart was frozen. Never in a million years would she have thought Stephen would hit her. He understood, understood what she had been through, how much it hurt her, he was red-hot angry about it sometimes. Yet here they were. It had all been a bluff, a gambit to get his attention, now looking like it was going horribly wrong. She had done herself up well, hadn’t she? If he was going to beat the crap out of her she had foolishly made it so very easy for him. No way to defend herself at all, by her own hand. She wondered how all this time she could have been so wrong.
One thing was certain: If he hit her they were done. She wouldn’t stay with someone who abused her. No, never again. NEVER again. But she knew her own heart and how much she wanted him and a life with him, and surely it would be just this once and it wasn’t as if she hadn’t given, especially him, reasons...
NO! There is never a reason for that. It was ALWAYS wrong. Hadn’t she learned anything from her father and what Jeremy, she corrected herself, what she had let Jeremy do to her? Here she was again, making excuses for someone who would blacken and bruise her. Old patterns die hard, she guessed. Thanks, Dad. But who was she? Was she really post-abuse and strong, or would she crawl back to Stephen even afterward like she had done the other people the other times? It looked like she’d find out in a few minutes. She needed to know.
The only sound she heard was me taking a breath a few inches in front of her. A split second later she felt me contact her, but it was my lips pressing on hers, firmly yet gently, pushing her backwards.
It didn’t take much to knock her over backwards. She gave a squawk as she landed on the carpet on her back, her knees tenting up with her feet flat on the ground, still spread, as a result of her shift in position, me still where I was before between them. I leaned over her and planted a hand on either side of her shoulders. She opened her eyes and looked at me with confusion, then worry. She could see I was angry.
“Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you.” I told her with fire, our faces about a foot apart. “NOBODY will ever hit you again. I don’t care if we hate each other’s guts. Never. Ever. Again. Anyone who wants to hurt you will have to get through me and THEY. WON’T. GET. THROUGH. ME! Understood?”
She just nodded quickly, almost afraid to move even that much.
“I won’t lie, what’s not numb right now is red hot rage. I won’t say anything about the future right now, I don’t know what it is. What you’ve done… you know my past, and you did it anyway. I don’t know if I can trust you right now. I don’t know if I can trust you anymore ever. It’s too clouded. We’ll just have to see.”
“Please tell me,” She begged, “please tell me that before last night I’ve never done anything to give you cause to worry.” She looked up to me, and after a moment I nodded. “I never wanted to. I know what you’ve been through, I swore I’d never do that to you. And if we can get past this I swear I never will again. It’s not a pattern. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life…” she gave a sob “until last night. And I never will again. I love you; I want to grow old with you. Up until tonight you wanted that too, yes?” She searched my face anxiously and again after a pause I nodded. She was very happy to see that nod.
“I came to you right away. All my senses screamed for me to hide it, that I might lose you for my stupidity. And I might. But I came to you right away. I didn’t hide it, didn’t try to make excuses. I screwed up and I know it and now you know it, everything. I have to be at work at eight tomorrow morning; you could do anything you want to me between now and then, with my hands… I couldn’t stop you. But honestly, with what I’ve done, I wouldn’t even try. Even if you are going to throw me away, feel free to take me one last time, as a goodbye gift from me to you. I owe you that.” She looked down, almost starting to cry again. “I’d do it happily even if it were that.”
I looked down at her, and I didn’t know how I felt. Or rather, I did, and it was a whole lot of things all at once. Hurt, pain that I’d been betrayed yet again. Anger, how could she do this to me? She knew my history; she had helped me over those wounds herself. I had believed, up until now, that I was safe, that she would never do that to me. She had promised as much so many times so long ago. Yet here we were. And the fire burned hot.
Yet she had come to me. The next day; practically as soon as she could since she had to work earlier today. She hadn’t hidden it. She hadn’t made light of it like Jenni did. She had admitted she was wrong, begged forgiveness both verbally and through her actions. Left herself, made herself vulnerable in front of me even as she told me what she had done and angered me. Respect. Not lying. Not making excuses. Crying a lot because she figured, in all probability correctly, that she had lost me. So the polar opposite of Jenni. Remorseful. Repentant. That had to count for something.
I looked down at her, naked underneath me. She did have a killer body, took care of herself and took care of me, too. There were things on the fringes she hadn’t wanted to do, but they were on the fringes and could be understood. She had never used sex as a weapon (well, maybe as a carrot every now and then). Even when we fought, when it was over she came back to me strongly. She understood I had needs and that it was her place as my girlfriend and then my fiancée to meet them. I had no complaints from that quarter. If I left it was undoubtable that I’d miss her physically and probably never have it quite as good.
But her, drunk last night in that black micro-minidress and high heels that she had walked out the door in, panties gone, in a bar cheered on by her girlfriends as some faceless male lay flat on the ground with a huge, long cock sticking straight up in the air, and her, in that minidress, squatting up and down on that cock and driving it into her own heat. Over and over, to the roaring of the crowd. Did she like it better than me? Did he feel good? We had sex ourselves the night before, she had appeared to have an orgasm. The image of her throwing her head back in wanton pleasure as she drove on and off him, feeling it drive her closer and ever closer to…
STOP IT! I had done this with Jenni. Agonized over how it had been as she cheated the multiple times she had. It had wounded me to the core. No, not here. It wasn’t like that, I didn’t know, I’d never know. Meditating on it was the path to madness. Again. And for no other reason than that I didn’t want to go there. With a vow I banished those thoughts from my mind forever. At least I planned to. Heather was trying; she deserved better than that.
Heather could see that things were running through my mind, knew I was deciding her, our fate. She lay still, probably praying.
I was mad, very, very mad. There was a dagger stuck in my heart. The fire from it could destroy cities. Not again! Never again!
The thought hit me like a truck: Have you ever made a mistake, asshole? Talked to the wrong person in front of her? Been a little too rough in bed for her so that she had to take a break to recover, to heal? (Once or twice, accidentally, yes. Never on purpose). And did she forgive you? And did she hold it against you? Or did she pull her dress off three days later and climb right back into bed with you because she knew you had needs that were going unmet? How many women for you would do that?
Yeah, but this is big. This to me is like being beaten to her. And you have never done that. And never would. And would hospitalize anyone who ever did that to her. Apples and oranges. Stones and mountains. I looked down at her. She could guess what was going on in my head. She really was holding her breath.
But I couldn’t just forgive her. The problem was, if they got away with it with no repercussions a woman tended to lose all fear of the consequences of doing things like that again. Besides, I’m male and wanted those sorts of things she had promised. I could enjoy it for a while. It would to her be not getting off easy and for me it would be fun, a salve, and continued proof that I had nothing to worry about.
“No.” I told her. “One month isn’t enough. Six months… no, you will do anything anywhere I want until I tell you otherwise. It will be at least six months. It might be longer.”
“Agreed. No problem.” Actually, the thought of being his sex toy, surprisingly, was a huge turn-on.
“Also” I began. “For that same period of time, whenever you walk into either of our houses, you will immediately strip naked and stay that way.” She had a marvelous body; I’d be very happy to see more of it. And to be naked would be a reminder to her of what she did and one to me of how repentant she was.
“What if someone else is with us?”
“At all times. No exceptions.”
I could see it in Heather’s eyes: Well, we’d just have to cross that bridge when we come to it. She hadn’t a problem in the world with being naked in front of me but lots of problems being naked in front of anyone else.
“Is there more?” She hadn’t said no, wouldn’t dare say no right now. “I agree to be naked in our houses at all times when it is just me and you. Happily.”
There was nothing to be gained by pushing it. To be honest, a little voice inside pointed out the condition was kind of stupid. I didn’t want her naked in front of anyone else either.
“There’s one more thing.” Heather looked a little worried at my words. “Over the same period of time that you do everything I say you will, at least half the time wear a mini-skirt to work. And half the time you are wearing a miniskirt, no panties.”
Heather flinched; I could see it. She wore plenty of miniskirts and similar when we were out together, but tended to be more conservative at work. It wasn’t that she didn’t have the body for it, her legs, especially in high heels, were stunning.
In Heather’s mind things were running differently. She had realized that if I didn’t just throw her straight out the door that there would be a price to pay and here it was. She didn’t actually mind the other two conditions, but this one, this one was hard. But that was the point of it, wasn’t it? She wore miniskirts from time to time at work; she had no need to prove herself in the office but it was still an ego boost and good to remind some of the men in the office just how beautiful she was. She liked that Stephen always perked up a bit when he knew she had been at work all day around all her co-workers looking like that. Not that he had anything to worry about, she thought, she had something, someone very, very good and she guessed I was seeing now she desperately didn’t want to lose me.
She wasn’t an exhibitionist, never had been. Look nice, sure. Look naked, no thank you. But if that was what it took to convince me, she would. She’d manage.
“Done. Take me home tomorrow morning so I can change into one of my miniskirts, then take me to work. I’ll hand you my panties and then walk straight into work.” Oh yes, if he wanted that he’d get more than he asked for. She’d give him her bra too, just this once. And wear a button-down blouse. And invite him to himself unbutton as many buttons as he wanted, and let him know that she wouldn’t touch any of them, even if he unbuttoned it fully. The chances of him doing that was small, but if he did, she would survive. She’d just tell people she lost a bet and hope management didn’t send her home. It was a given he’d unbutton the blouse far enough that more of her chest than should be would be showing, and it would be obvious she didn’t have on a bra, but she could survive that. She’d do it. For him.
While she was thinking I was in a much less happy place. The fire washed over me. No, never again. One chance, you knew it, you screwed it up. I pulled her up to her feet; she was a little stiff but came as fast as she could. She could see the fire in my eyes and was scared again, naked and helpless somewhere where no one else would hear her scream and with her hands tied behind her back. Perceptive little bitch.
I walked her back to my bedroom. We’d spent the night sleeping there and other times enjoying each other’s bodies more times than I could count. I told her to lay down in the middle of the bed on her back. She did; she looked scared but resolute.
I brought the ropes out from underneath the bottom feet of the bed, slipped the loops over her ankles, pulled them tight, spreading her legs widely on the queen-sized bed. She normally didn’t like her legs spread that wide but this time she gave a little grunt and gasp of pain as her legs were spread a little wider than she was expecting but otherwise just lay still. When the ropes for her wrists were on top of the bed I had her roll to the side and I untied her wrists. Without asking she shot her wrists out to the corners where more loops of rope waited for them. She knew I was angry, that she had possibly made me angrier than I had ever been at her in my life. It had looked hopeful for a while but now… She was scared and I was making her truly, really helpless, tied hand and foot to the bed, yet she stretched out her wrists without a word. If this is what you want, I thought I heard her say, if this is all I can give you, then I give it to you. I love you and I’m sorry…. and I understand. If this is what is needed for me to apologize, go ahead and take it from me.
I looked at her on the bed. Heather always looked so damn good naked and stretched out. Long brown hair pooled around her head, flawless skin, large breasts on a long, thin frame and long thin legs. I’d miss that. She still didn’t know exactly what this all meant but was not going to say a word unless spoken to.
I climbed on top of her, began to pound into her. Hard. Angry. She’d have trouble walking in the morning and we both knew it. How dare you do this to me! And you expect to keep me? I hope he was worth it! I continued to pound her, hard, relentless. It was hurting her and she said nothing.
Heather couldn’t take it anymore. “Please tell me!” She blurted out. “What kind of sex is this? Angry? Revenge sex? Just rough?” There was an option she didn’t want to voice.
I told her what she didn’t want to hear as I thrust especially hard into her. What kind of sex did she think this was? “You said I could. Goodbye sex.”
She gave a howl and began pulling desperately at the bonds that were holding her. I just stopped and let her wear herself out. She shouldn’t have asked. She was crying. “No, let me loose. No, not like this. Please, please, don’t let the last time you make love to me, me be tied to the bed.”
She finally gave up the struggle. She wasn’t getting loose on her own and this is what I wanted to do to her. She just turned her head and started crying quietly as I resumed my attack on her, still strong but not quite as hard as before, but still quite hard.
She just lay there, catatonic except for her tears. I didn’t care; I was still too mad. And then I felt myself coming, tensed up and pushed deep as I spurted inside her. She was still crying quietly.
With the orgasm my anger was gone. What had I done? I looked at her, still stretched out helplessly on my bed, still crying. Congrats, you stupid shit, you’ve finally abused her. No, no bruises except maybe between her legs. And you hurt her, for a whole twenty minutes you pounded away at her knowing what you were doing to her the whole time and you didn’t give a damn. And she didn’t say a thing, just let you do it. How much does she have to bleed to show you she’s sorry, you stupid worthless shit?
She was just lying there, crying quietly. Nice work! She stuck a knife in your heart so you stuck one in hers. How does it look from the outside on her?
I couldn’t untie her fast enough. She lay still until she was completely free, then staunched her tears. Strength.
She started trying to move out from under me. “Let me go, please. I’ll leave now.”
“Why?”
“Why?” it was almost a wail. “What does ‘Goodbye sex’ mean to you? I get it. I’m glad you took it, I hope it helped, and I’ll go away now. That’s what ‘goodbye’ means, right?”
“No, don’t go. You don’t have to go. I was angry; I’m over that now. I’ve hurt you, dammit, and I’m so sorry. And I don’t want you to leave.”
She stopped dead still, looked at me. I wondered if I had grown a second head. “You’re serious. You don’t want me to leave?”
“No. No. I mean, yes. Oh dammit, if you want to leave I’ll drive you home so I know you got home ok, but no I want you here until morning and I want you back here after work tomorrow to spend the night here again. I’m still mad down underneath and I still want everything you told me you would do. I can’t promise what it will be like tomorrow, but I want you here in bed beside me tonight. And right now I want you here tomorrow night too.”
She looked up at me. It looked like she was getting ready to cry some more. “I want to stay here too. I understand you can’t promise tomorrow right now but I’ll gladly take tonight. Yes.”
She reached up, wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled herself up to give me a kiss, then flopped back down onto the bed. “Baby, I’m real tired after all that, but I’ve promised you that you can do anything you want any time and you can. If I had my way I’d just have you curl up beside me and we could go to sleep, but if you want to do something different just let me know.” We’d done enough already tonight, far too much. If all she wanted for the rest of the night was comfort I planned to give it to her.
She lay back down and rolled on her side, heart singing as she felt the strong arms she loved so well encircle her. Yeah, from the throbbing between her legs it’d be hard to walk the next few days. She’d live. She watched the bullet whiz by and whine off into the darkness. He hadn’t kicked her out. He still wanted her. He was still mad, and you never knew, some guys the thought of the sort of thing she had
done destroyed them, but he seemed to be handling it well. Mostly. She knew who he was; if he hadn’t thrown her out already he most likely wasn’t going to at all. Hope. She could keep it going. They were going to make it.