A Halloween Disaster!
by Diplodicus
© Copyright 2009 - Diplodicus - Used by permission
Storycodes: MF; undead; bodyswap; buried; haunting; cons; X
Ghoul-gle jpn
A Halloween Disaster! by Diplodicus MF; undead; bodyswap; buried; haunting; cons; X

"Oh no, not Halloween already! It only seems like yesterday it was Halloween! Do we have to go through all that again?"

"I am afraid so!"

"But it takes it out of me at my age!"

"I don't Care, it is in the contract!"

"Can't I give it a miss this year? I am getting on a bit you know!"

"So are we all my dear, so are we all, but no one else is moaning about it. You are the only one!"

"Oh bother and blow, may your nose turn green and drop off!"

"Careful dear, curses like that have a way of returning and getting the person who makes the curse!" 

"You don't really believe all that superstitious nonsense do you?"

"About curses you mean?"

"What else? I have tried to curse myself with winning the lottery, but no one told the machine I had cursed it and my numbers never came up!"

"When did you do the lottery?"

"Last Halloween!"

"Did you check them?"

"How could I? We were too busy last year!"

The clock struck eleven o'clock. "Come on dears, time to get ready it will soon be witching hour!"

"Grumble, mumble, moan, bother, blow, and curses upon you and your family!"

"That is not a nice thing to say!"

"May you rot in hell!"

"Now you want to kill me, you know you cannot!"

"Ooooh, you mean, foul, disgusting, horrible soul. I was just relaxing as well!"

"Tch, names will never hurt me! Thank you for the accolade! Come on, or we will be late and miss the fun!"

"Fun? Fun you say, running around trying to scare people! You call that fun? I was more scared last year when they threw fireworks at me!"  

"They did not hurt you though did they?"

"No, but they damned near scared me to death!" The sound of laughter rang through the hall!

The clock struck eleven thirty. "Come on sleepyheads, time to wake up and wait by the church tower to start our performances! If we are late, the witches will beat us to it and we will be drummed out of the corps!" More banter between the head of the group and the rest and the clock started its slow chime to ring midnight! Slowly the dirt on the graves started to move. Fingers appeared, coffin lids flew open and the rotting carcasses of dead humans rose from the grave. They shuffled off to the church tower to meet the rest of the group.

"I don't know how long I can keep making myself looking this beautiful for Halloween. It takes me longer each year!" said one of the ghosts as her eye fell out and rolled across the driveway towards the town. The group shuffled on relentlessly. The ghost found her eye and popped it back in. "Thanks for small mercies. I was nearly blind without that eye!" 

Colonel Snodworthy leader of the group stepped forward and his leg fell off. One of the group picked it up and gave it back to him. Another one lost an arm, he swung it in marching fashion to show everyone they were in the army and the arm flew off and landed just in front of the leader. He fell over and the group spent twenty minutes sorting out which arm and leg belonged to whom.  A head rolled off and someone managed to stop it before it fell into the grave again.

At one point there was a body with a female right arm and a male left one, another had a female left leg and a male right one which meant he had to walk slanting sideways. Colonel Snodworthy's body had Mavis Appleby's head on it. His head was on Mavis's body! But they gradually worked it out, but they did have an arm left over at the end of the chaos! But still they had to press on. Time was running out, Colonel Snodworthy led the procession. He made two steps and called out, "hold it, hold it. Has anyone been practicing the script?" Murmurs buzzed around. No reply. "Okay, does anyone know what to say?" Again quietness from the now enlarged group! "Oh for Pete's sake. I will say it only one more time! You all have to raise your arms and say OoooOOOooOOOooohh! Is that too hard?"

The group all started Ooohhhing as they made their way towards the town. "I hate Halloween, I would rather be sleeping at the moment!"

"Well you can't. It is in the contract! The dead have to walk at midnight!"  

"I will take my chance next year and give it a miss!"  

"You are always moaning. It is not as if you are alive and have rheumatism! You are just a lazy ghost!"

"I know, but I am satisfied!" The group carried on towards the town. But they got there late and the witches were already scaring the townsfolk.

"That's it. I will find another group. Now we have lost that vacation in Salem. I don't mind losing, but to lose to those charlatans the witches hurts! Damned not fair this Halloween lark" 

The group tried their best but they looked such a sorrowful sight that anyone seeing them burst out laughing. Tired and defeated, the group headed back to the graveyard. Colonel Snodworthy told them all to go and practice the script for next year! The clock struck one and the coffins closed and the dirt tumbled back into place. All went quiet in the graveyard once more.


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