Part 20
The square had an eerily still silence to it. The sun hadn't even risen at that point, but I already left Chloe's apartment to start the day, there was nothing else I could have done as my brain refused to give me a long rest after the news Hamish gave me… how could anyone have a good night's sleep after the news that their parent was soon going to die. I told Chloe everything that was said over the phone, I couldn't exactly hide the information from the person who was lying in the same bed as I was, but she did her best to console me afterwards. No words were said for the rest of the night, but she held me close until she fell asleep on top of me… I managed to get a few hours afterwards, but it didn't last long.
Just as Hamish promised, my phone buzzed shortly after the phone call ended and the full address of the hospital my mother was at displayed on my screen.
Waking up this morning was probably the most painful part of this entire event, opening my eyes to Chloe's dark room, realising that what happened the night previously was true, it wasn't some sort of bad dream and my mother was waiting for me to come visit her… one last time. Chloe was resting peacefully beside me, her body fully on show as she kicked off the blanket sometime during the night. As I slowly woke to the world, I watched her chest as she breathed up and down lightly, her breasts looking as delicious as they did the night previously. I gently placed the blanket over her and left her room.
I watched the morning go by as I sat on the fountain, the trickling of the water was the only sound and motion that could be heard and seen. The rest of the world had completely stopped, no wildlife was awake in the area, I'm sure most of the country was still in bed and the beginning light of the day was only just waking the sky up. I sat there and contemplated my life to that point, how much I had grown as a person since arriving at the stables, how I didn't know how to love when I lived in the city, yet love was pouring out of me for everyone involved in my life.
If I left immediately, there was no guarantee what time I would be back. The location Hamish had sent me was much further away than I had anticipated, then it was a matter of how much time my mother actually had left; as morbid as that sounded. I wouldn't want to have left her alone in that state. If I leave… When will I see these four walls again? When will I see the people I love most? Nicole? Kathia? Abigail? Saffron? Lily? Harriet? Beth? Chloe?… Jade?
Will they hate me for leaving them? What will become of the love I had gained over my time here? Will it begin to fade? Would Chloe allow me to live with her again after being away for that undetermined amount of time? What about the Pony Trial? What if I get in? Will I have to leave that behind too?
However, what about the other side? Could I really leave my dying mother alone and stay here instead? What if that really was the last time I could see her? If she passes and never gets to see her daughter one last time?
Could I really live with myself if that was the case?
My mind struggled with the thoughts. After a few hours of being free of any pain and struggles, it was typical that something else would come along to plague my mind, not that I wished I wasn't told of my mother's situation, I just knew there was a tough choice that needed to be made and I couldn't waste anymore time than I already had.
My mind returned back to where I was, the slight trickling of the water moving within the fountain was a pleasant noise, it helped ground me for the moment and allowed me to think without getting too distraught over my life. Between my legs was the bag I brought when I first came here, it was a sad reminder that all my personal belongings sat inside it, I needed nothing else. There was nothing of monetary value inside it and I was leaving none of my possessions behind if I decided to go ahead with leaving.
I wanted to cry, it was a choice that I didn't want to make, but I had already cried enough over my time at the stables, I felt like I cried at least once a week since starting my work here. There was always something to be emotional about, even if it was for good reasons or bad reasons. This place has seen sides of me that I had never shown anyone before and for that I was truly grateful.
A new sound disrupted my thoughts, easily done with the world being so silent this morning. It was the sound of a vehicle driving down the path to the square, the familiar noise of stones being crushed under tyres echoed throughout the four walls, the bright lights of the vehicle illuminated the area around we as it turned into the square, parking in it's usual spot before the engine was finally cut out and silence once again returned to the area.
"Heather?" A voice called out as soon as the driver's side door was opened.
It was a familiar voice but one I sadly hadn't heard in a while, the sound of footsteps clicking across the concrete ground and crunching on the occasional stone got louder and louder until the person was right next to me.
"Hi James," I greeted the young man, barely looking at Jade's brother.
"What's the matter? The stables won't be open yet for a while."
I didn't want to talk about myself at that moment, I knew he meant well and I could hear the deep care in his voice, but it was the last thing I wanted at that time.
"Why are you doing here so early?"
"Harriet's asked me to do some jobs around here, I heard everyone was coming here today so I thought I would get the job done as quickly as possible so I wasn't in anyone's way."
"That's good of you."
He took a seat next to me, "Seems like something is on your mind? Would you like to talk about it?"
"No… I don't."
"Do you need to talk about it?"
I chuckled lightly, "Yeah, I really do."
"Then lay it on me, I'm happy to listen at the very least if that makes you feel any better?"
"I got a call last night… and my mother is dying, they don't think she's got long left."
"I'm really sorry to hear that."
"She doesn't exactly live very close, but she wants to see me one last time before she goes. I have no idea how long I will be… and I'm just scared that…"
"You are scared that you are going to lose everything."
I sighed, "Yeah, I am. I will hate myself if I don't go and not see my mother ever again, but I don't want Jade to hate me for leaving her behind."
"Why don't you take Jade with you?"
"I can't do that… I can't uproot her life just because I didn't want to be alone. She has a job here, friends and family, they all need her… I know how that feels to leave it all behind."
James smiled, "She'll have you."
"But nothing else."
"It feels like you already know the answer, it's just trying to figure out how to break the news to everyone."
"I don't want to go… but I know I have to."
"Jade could never hate you, she has a tough exterior but I know how much she loves you, how much she cares about you. She'll understand if you have to go."
I grinned through the pain, "Somehow that makes it worse… weird, isn't it?"
"Life is weird. From what I can tell, you know exactly what you need to do, it will hurt but the amount you've done since you started here isn't just going to go away. Your job, the people you love, everything will be here when you get back. You do not have to worry about that."
James placed his arm around me, trying his best to comfort me without getting in too close. I instantly went to hold him back, placing my arms around his waist and holding my head on his shoulder. I know he didn't mean for the interaction to go this far, but I needed the connection to another person at that moment, I needed a hug. Luckily, he held me back just as tight.
"It will be okay, Heather," he quietly said in my ear, "Don't get yourself worked up too much, yeah?"
"I won't."
Another light illuminated us again, this time it was a far softer light than the one that belonged to the vehicle James came in. It was the light from the house, the main light that illuminated the reception room that stood behind the main door. James' grip on me loosened and together we looked towards the house. Beth and Harriet stood in the doorway, Beth immediately knew it was us but Harriet had a harder time figuring out who was sitting on the fountain's wall, squinting through the large pair of glasses.
"Heather?" The stable owner called out into the darkness, "James, is that Heather with you?"
"Yeah… yeah it is," he called back.
Together we stood up before his hands finally left my body, leaving me to stand alone in the light.
"Heather? What are you doing here this early?" she asked, taking a step out into the cold morning.
Beth chimed in, "Didn't we say we had rules against coming here without our knowledge? Come here, girl."
James gave me a light nod before he walked away, getting lost within the darkness of the day. I felt my hands begin to fidget with my fingers once more, it felt like a really long walk until I was standing in front of the two older women, as if I was accepting my fate. Harriet continued to squint until I was standing in the light. The solemn look on my face made the stable owner change her attitude, she placed her hand on my shoulder and turned towards Beth.
"I think we should make some tea?" Her tone was as welcoming as she had always been.
That was when I realised the arm she placed on me was the one she had broken previously. It was completely free of the sling, but I could also feel the weakness of her fingers as she struggled to keep a tight grasp on me.
The two women sat in silence as I paced around the room, they made themselves comfortable on the sofa with three steaming cups of tea sitting on the coffee table in between them and the sofa opposite them. I would have taken a seat on the opposite sofa, but that was taken up by the sleeping pink pet, stretched out from one side to the other; completely unaware of the situation happening in the room. It was fine, I didn't think I had the capacity to sit still, I didn't struggle that much with the information given to me last night, I knew I had a tough choice to make, yet it was actually telling it to people that made the scenario so real, somehow saying the words out loud was more permanent than struggling with it alone.
Heather and Beth listened to every word, sigh and curse that left me, taking in all the information and only stopping to take a sip of their drinks, not interrupting until I had finally finished with what I wanted to say. It was tough and a struggle to keep my eyes from tearing up, but I felt far too tired to cry anymore, I was too tired from every single issue that seemed to crawl into my life, but it was out there… Beth and Harriet both knew about the issue with my mother and I was unable to take it back, it wasn't as if I could hide what I had to do.
Beth took one last sip of her tea before placing it back down on the table, she ushered to the sofa and begged for me to take a seat. With the snoozing animal taking up the entirety of the furniture, I had no choice but to make myself comfortable on the sofa's arm. Then I drank the tea as it was my turn to listen. However, what Beth had for me wasn't advice at all and Harriet stayed silent most of the time.
"How do you feel about this?" she asked.
"I-I don't know. I've accepted what's going to happen, I'm just trying to figure out what that means for me, what it means for my role here at the stables." I cleared my throat before I said this next part, "What it means for my friends, for Chloe… for Jade."
"Who else have you told?"
"Well… Chloe knows, she was there last night when I took the call. Oh, and James knows too."
"I thought I saw him out there with you. Don't worry, if you don't want to tell anyone else, James is very good at keeping secrets close, he's not exactly a blabber-mouth."
"That's not what I'm worried about, I know all the girls are going to have to know at some point. I… I just don't know what to do."
"You know what you have to do, though. It might not feel like the right thing at this moment, but if what you say is true, then you might not get to see her ever again."
"I know… I honestly didn't think I would see her again in my life, until she arrived last Sunday."
"Do you think she's telling you the truth?" Harriet overcame her silence, "Or do you think this might be a white lie?"
"I don't know why she would lie about such a thing, that's hardly a white lie."
"The ball is in your court, Heather," Beth chimed back in, "It's your choice what you do, it's your choice how you handle this, we can't tell you what to do."
I laughed, struggling to contain the forming tears, "Can you tell me exactly what to do? This time I just want to hold someone's hand while they make everything okay for me."
"I wish life was like that, Baby," Beth got up from the sofa and gave me her tightest cuddle, "Sadly, no one can tell you what to do right now."
Harriet stood up too, "No matter what choice you make, the stables are your home, you will always be welcome here."
"Thank you."
"Remember that. Our love for you isn't temporary, or will go away if you decide to go. You'll always have friends here, you'll always have your family… you'll always have a job," Beth reassured me after our conversation from the day before, "I wish I could make you understand that, but I know it's tough to keep that thought in mind. We love you, Heather. We've loved you since you started here and will continue to love you if you decide to be with your mother, but as stated before; that is your choice."
"That means a lot, thank you both so much."
"Unfortunately, if you do decide to leave, it will have to be at the end of the day as someone has booked in to see you."
"Really?" I asked, it still surprised me that people were interested in booking time with me, "Can I be a pony if my ankle is like this?"
I pointed to my foot, which still had the support around my ankle.
"Yeah, I'm sure your client would understand," Beth smiled, "Well, we will figure something out."
"If you do go, make sure you say goodbye to the girls," Harriet jumped in again, "They would want to say goodbye."
I looked between the two women, they were taking the idea that I might be leaving rather well, smiling and grinning between conversations whilst I was fighting to keep the tears in my eyes.
"I… I was hoping I could just slip away and you could tell the girls the next day," I mumbled, knowing that I was being selfish for asking this.
Beth instantly looked at her partner, "Well… sure, I guess we could. However, I am sure Jade would want to say goodbye, and Chloe."
"… Saffron would be heartbroken if you didn't say anything before you left," Harriet added, "And Abigail, she cares very deeply for you."
"Kathia too, she would want her last cuddle."
"You can't forget Lily, she wouldn't be too pleased."
"Also, Nicky would need to say goodbye to her pet friend. It might not seem like it, but she loved having you as her pet for the day."
"So… that's everyone?" I laughed.
"Is it… yeah, you'll definitely have to say goodbye to everyone," Beth winked.
"Thanks…"
I stood in the shelter of the house as the other ponies soon entered the square. The sun began shining brightly despite the darkness I felt about my upcoming decision. Abigail and Saffron came in the same car as always, with their arms around each other until they reached their own individual stables. It was odd seeing Lily and Chloe come in different cars, but it was lovely to see them embrace the moment they both left their respective vehicles. However, I could sense the sadness coming from my roommate, completely aware of the issue I was facing at that time.
Kathia was the last to arrive, giving the two smaller girls a large hug before both her and Lily travelled to their own stables. Harriet was already outside, keen to dress up her ponies after so long of having her hand in the sling. Surprisingly, Beth stayed in the house with me, waiting until the moment I was comfortable to leave the property and face my family. Sadly, I wished I could say I knew what I wanted to do, that I had this entire situation under control and understood my plans going forward, but I was still as clueless as I was this morning, before I spoke to the two older women.
I just wanted someone to tell me what to do, to control my actions and take the weight off my shoulders once more, but Harriet and Beth didn't allow that, they knew it was a choice I had to make alone.
I felt Beth's hand gently pressed on my back, letting me know that she was there without the use of words. I was glad of her presence, as the next car to arrive belonged to Jade. Typically, the woman was late again, speeding her car around the corner, parking up and leaving the vehicle before sprinting towards the storage room; completely unaware of the mental battle in my head.
I imagined her meeting Harriet in the small room, surprised by the older woman having full control of her arm once more. That surprise would disappear very quickly the moment Harriet began scolding her for being late once more. I grinned for a second, imagining the scenario completely in my head.
"Are you ready?" Beth asked. It was a quiet question, not much more than a whisper.
I nodded. I wasn't ready, but I knew that I never would be. "Yeah, it will be good to be back in the suit again, at least," I nodded again.
"Oh… you aren't going into the suit today, I have a different task for you."
I looked towards Beth with the biggest, confused expression I ever had, "What do you mean? I thought you said I was booked?"
"You are booked. I am the one who booked you," she said with a cheeky grin, "And I don't need you to be a pony today, I need you to be a trainer. Plus, you couldn't have forgotten about your sprained ankle already? We can't just let you back into a suit right away, you would need time to recover."
"A trainer? But I've never done training before."
"You'll do well, trust me. We have a pony here who is very interested in trying out dressage and you are just the person to help me."
"I've never trained before, though," I re-stated my previous comment.
"Haven't you ever heard the term that submissive people make the best dominants?" Beth asked the question through a grin.
"No… no I haven't."
"Well you've heard it now, from me. The idea is that submissive people make better dominants because they understand the state of being submissive. They know how to dominate their sub as they have been in that situation before, they know what pleasures and teasing a sub would enjoy without going too far. If you've only ever been dominant before, you wouldn't have the actual experience of being dominated yourself."
I tutted, now knowing why the older woman would use that analogy, with her previous story of tying herself up when she first met Harriet, "So, you're saying that because I'm been a dressage pony, I would be able to teach another because I've been in those shoes before?"
"Yes! Exactly!"
"Okay… I get it."
"Perfect, shall we go out and meet the pony you'll be training?"
I took one last, slow, quiet breath. It was going to be a tough day for sure, not just because of the choice I had yet to make, but having the other ponygirls know about it would make the situation far worse. I couldn't even imagine how heartbroken they would be if I decided to leave.
"Okay…" I let the breath out, "Let's go."
"Great." Beth began pushing me towards the door.
"I liked the Dominant / Submissive analogy. Made it much easier to understand."
"I know, right?"
"Do you still do that sort of stuff? Like tying yourself up with rope?"
Beth laughed, opening the front door and letting the fresh, morning air hit our faces, "That's a question I probably shouldn't answer."
"Come on, it's me. I can tell you anything, so you can do the same to me."
"Fine," Beth sounded like she gave up, but I didn't even attempt to break her down to talk about her private life, "Yes, I still do it from time to time."
"Does Harriet ever help out?" I asked the question so casually despite the 'adult' topic.
"Yeah, but she prefers actual restraints. Like handcuffs and blindfolds, she never got used to tying me with rope. Also, she's not as dominant as she makes out."
"Really? Two submissive women in one relationship? How does that work?"
"Oh, I am more than happy to take control, Heather," she said with a wink, "But she doesn't mind experimenting. Also, I always have some rope hidden away, just incase I get a night to myself."
"So… you still tie yourself up?"
"Oh yeah, It's a habit I've been unable to kick. There is just something about the feeling that is unlike anything else. You should try it sometime."
At that point we had made our way across the square and were about to enter the storage room. The square itself was completely empty as the rest of the ponies were in their own stables, waiting to be restrained within their respective pony outfits. The thought didn't leave me that Jade and Harriet were still in the room, we had yet to see them exit since leaving the house.
The door suddenly burst open, with Jade carrying two cases and Harriet close behind her holding just the one, struggling with it in fact.
"I said that you should be careful!" Jade yelled at her boss, "We don't need you hurting yourself again."
It seemed we caught the two women in the middle of a light argument, Jade seemed adamant to get the job done quickly and professionally and Harriet wanted to help in any way possible. Understandable, as it had been quite some time since she was able to do any heavy lifting around the stables.
"Oh… hi, Heather!" Jade stopped, seeing me standing in front of Beth, "You've come to help out?"
Beth jumped in, "Yes, she has. Do either of you have Kathia's box?"
Kathia? Was she the one who wanted the lessons?
"Oh… I have it, right here," Harriet smiled as she noticed what she was holding in her hands.
"Great! Heather, take that box to Kathia's stable, I'll help these two," Beth said in a commanding tone, "Harriet, you should really take it easy!"
Beth took the box from her partner and gave it directly to me, allowing both older women to disappear back into the darkness of the storage room. Jade stayed outside with me, but it was clear she wasn't hanging around.
"Take care, Babe," Jade smiled, kissing in the air towards me.
She continued walking until she made her way to the stables that contained Saffron and Abigail, leaving me alone in the square holding the box that contained Kathia's outfit and pony play attire. I wanted to call out to the dark haired girl and let her know the new struggles I was facing. I wanted my partner to know more than anyone else, but something inside me stopped that from happening, forcing me to stand in the same spot and stare at her until Abigail's stable engulfed her. It was the way that Jade smiled at me, it was one that I hadn't seen in a long time. It was a smile that said there was nothing to worry about, that all of our problems were behind us, we no longer had to worry about the pony trial audition, we no longer had to worry about the issues with my mother and there was nothing to worry about with our relationship. I didn't want to take that away from her, at least not yet. I wanted to enjoy the moment where she was the happiest and ignore the fact that my heart was breaking as my mind went over every scenario this day could play out.
I had to physically shake my head to get my brain out of that thought. There was no time to think about what was going to happen, the purple pony was waiting for me, waiting for her suit and waiting for her lesson in dressage.
I opened the stable door and let myself in, turning round instantly to greet the young woman. She was in the middle of taking off her clothes. I struggled to look away despite how close we've become over the last few months. A light-grey vest hugged her chest closely, showing off her nipples behind the thin material, her underwear was at her ankles at this point, as she slowly balanced herself to take them off one leg at a time. She was right in the middle of this process once she noticed my presence in her room.
"Heather!" she screamed, allowing her panties to fall to the floor.
She ran the few steps it took to reach me at the entrance and welcomed me with one of her famous, addictive hugs. I had to drop the box as quickly as possible to be in the right position to receive her welcome, allowing her arms to reach around my back and her head made itself comfortable on my chest. The younger woman gave quiet, happy sighs as she pushed her cheek directly into my breasts.
"Hey, Kathia," I smiled, feeling the warmth of her greetings, "How've you been?"
It only came clear to me that it had been a while since I saw the woman in front of me. Since we had spent the entire week training for the Pony Trials, it must have been sometime before that weekend away with Saffron and Abigail since I last interacted with her. As soon as I realised that, the guilt began to settle in.
"I've missed you, how have you been?" She asked, not taking her head away from my chest.
"Oh, up and down. Tired from the audition."
"Oh yeah?" She finally brought herself back and held my hands in hers, making sure to keep eye contact between us, "How did it go?"
"Yeah… yeah, it went well. It was terrifying, but I am glad I did it. I should know if I've gotten through within a week."
"That's great! I'm so proud of you."
I couldn't help but look down. Trying to figure out if Kathia knew her bottom half of her body was entirely naked or if she just didn't care. Her chest was hidden behind the thin vest, but it did a very bad job at concealing her chest as she wasn't wearing a bra. It was tough not to notice her breasts flying around behind the material as she ran towards me before. I had never seen Kathia naked before, I had seen most of the girls here in the nude. Jade, Abigail and Saffron I had seen fully naked. I had spent the evening with Chloe and saw her breasts, Lily I've seen walking around Chloe's apartment with only a towel on. That only left Nicole and Kathia.
It was obvious that I was staring at her private area, I didn't have enough brain function today to even hide the fact I was doing it. She was probably the only woman here with pubic hair; little strands of black hair covered that area, although it was clear that it was at least trimmed. It was cute and very welcoming, almost too welcoming as I had the desire to explore that part of her… but I had to focus on the training for now.
Kathia looked down, realising where I was looking at, "Oh, silly me. I have to be naked."
With that, she finally let go of my hands and lifted up the last piece of clothing from her nude form, allowing her large breasts to fall out free from what barely contained it before. I caught myself staring at the giant orbs, bouncing around from the moment they were free, feeling like ages until they finally settled into place. Kathia really didn't care that I was seeing her now nude body, a sight that I had yet to behold. I've been working here for a while now, getting naked within these stables was a daily occurence, but I still hesitated whenever I had to strip in front of someone new.
She gave me a new smile this time round, it was a mixture of cheekiness and a happiness for finally being naked. I had to force my eyes to look up at hers, staring deep into her beautiful, brown eyes and painfully pushing myself to not let them fall; despite how addictive and sexual her now nude form looked. What was wrong with me? Before I started here I hadn't even thought about being with women, the idea of dating Jade was something I had to come to terms with. Now I was having threesomes with people of the same sex, gawking at their naked bodies… heck, I even almost had sex with Chloe last night, someone who was always a good friend to me.
I struggled to take myself out of my thoughts, taking me a short time to return back to reality. The sight of Kathia kneeling down next to me with the metal box wide open welcomed my return, she was preparing her outfit for her to wear for the day. I watched the scene in front of me with great interest, Kathia got out the boots and stood them side-by-side next to each other, then came out the hand hooves which joined the boots on the ground, next to that sat the stomach harness with head harness top of it, with the unlocked gag being placed directly on top of that; so what goes into her mouth doesn't touch the ground.
Then came out the purple suit, the colour that I associated with Kathia the most. She picked it up by the shoulders and allowed gravity to unravel the suit in front of her, bringing it down until the ankles just about touched the floor. I never knew she was this organised, a complete contrast to my routine of becoming a pony girl.
"Here, let me do that for you," I said, taking the suit from her hands and unzipping the back.
"Thank you." Her words were as kind as she always had been to me.
I placed the suit on the ground as wide open as I could possibly make it, giving her plenty of room to get her limbs in. She balanced herself by placing one of her hands on my shoulder before taking one foot off the ground, only to place it within the shiny, purple material. Her leg glided through the latex without any complications, bringing her foot out of the other end within seconds, her other leg followed shortly behind and then I began work on the rest of the suit.
Kathia was a little wider than the rest of the girls at the stables, but her naturally beautiful and curvy figure was easily distracting for anyone who looked at her, and the latex outfit complimented her frame perfectly. The shiny material held tight against her skin, bringing everyone's attention to her breasts and ass, even though I was struggling to look away during the transformation process. In a way, I was glad when I managed to zip up the suit to her neck, as the next part of the process allowed me to focus on other parts of her body.
The hand and feet hooves went on without any issues at all, the stomach harness was a different story, however. I could not stop staring at her breasts, what caused me to become this horny pervert during a time when my mind should have been elsewhere, I had far more important matters to concentrate on. Maybe it was my brain's way of dealing with the situation, to not confront the problem head on but instead delve into the kinky life I had at work? It would explain why I decided to steal the silver suit when my mother got back into my life.
"Here," Kathia chuckled, placing both of her bound hands around my right wrist and bringing my hand up to her breast, "I can see you looking at them."
My cheeks went red, I could feel the heat radiating off them, "Oh… no, I didn't mean to… I just…"
My nonsensical ramblings did nothing to stop the purple pony's action, she raised my hand until it was just over her breast and let it fall. My hand fell lightly against her incredibly soft skin, making a small indent from all of my digits pressed against it. I knew I could have pulled away at any time, but I did not have the strength to. The pony in front of me allowed me to touch the thing I wanted most at that time and I wasn't going to deny myself that chance.
Oh god… it felt so good. It made me wish I had asked to touch her breast when she was naked minutes before. I wanted to go further, the thought of rubbing my thumb over her nipple was so difficult to fight against, the desire to place my mouth over it and suck as hard as I could to get it to stand to attention wasn't that far behind either. Kathia's body was so inviting that I couldn't shake the urge to explore every part of her frame with my hands. However, the control I had over my actions seemed to get easier, allowing me to find the strength to take my hand away from her delicious chest. A part of my mind praised the fact I managed to resist the temptation, however it was nearly drowned out by the rest of my thoughts that begged me to go further with the plump pony.
What made it worse was the way Kathia was looking at me. Her pretty face was a blank canvas, it wasn't telling me to proceed with my questionable actions, yet it wasn't telling me to stop at the same time. It gave me the feeling that she didn't mind what I did next, as if I had full power in this scenario and I could do whatever I want with her.
We both jumped the moment Beth ran into the stable, the older woman was clearly out of breath from helping both Jade and Harriet with moving the boxes, the she instantly walked over to the rest of the restraints were placed on the floor before attaching them one-by-one on Kathia, clearly having an understanding on the pony's morning routine.
"Right, sorry about that, girls," she said, clipping on the stomach harness within seconds, "Didn't think I would get that distracted, but I had to make sure Harriet wasn't going to hurt herself again. What did I miss?"
I suddenly became rather awkward, feeling as if the older woman knew what just happened between the purple pony and I, not that much actually happened.
"Oh… nothing," I tried my hardest to keep my voice calm, "Just getting her ready."
Kathia nodded in agreement.
"Perfect! Right, I'll get Kathia finished up. Heather, can you grab the riding crop and lead from the storage room? I forgot to grab them earlier." The older woman turned towards the purple pony, "Did Heather tell you she agreed to train you today?"
Kathia already seemed to be in the pony mindset, a flash of glee travelled over her face and instead of speaking, she brought her hooved hands together over and over, as if she was clapping.
It was an odd sensation holding the very object that kept me in line for so long. The riding crop had been an excellent teacher as well as an enemy. It was used to encourage ponygirls in moving forwards, letting the sound of the whip behind them force them to move at a faster pace. It wasn't supposed to be used as actual punishment, yet I had found the leather end connect with my body on multiple occasions. Jade was a tough trainer without adding the submissive/dominant relationship into the situation. Yet, it was clear she enjoyed the sensation of the object reacting against my body. My butt had cushioned many of the blows, this is what Jade usually aimed for, yet my breasts and legs had also received the end of the crop.
It wasn't painful at all, Jade wouldn't have allowed it to actually hurt me. She brought it down on my skin with such a light action that it would only feel like a short sting at the very worst. I didn't hate it either, there were many times when Jade was in her dominant mindset and I had to force myself not to jump at her and take her wherever we were, it might have been the school, it might have been in the stables and it might have even been in the square, but I had to control my urge to delve further into that pain.
The wind rushed against the crop as I brought it down, the whistle it created both terrified me and turned me on. Yet, I was the one in control of it this time, there was no Jade or Beth or anyone else in the role of the trainer. The crop was in my hands this time and I could be the punisher, I could be the teaser. Although, I knew I didn't have it in me to hurt Kathia at all, even if it was a light touch of the leather against the latex, it would cause me great pain if I did anything similar to her that I had done to me in the past.
I brought the tip of the crop into my left hand and allowed my digits to finger the leather end, just touching the object had me wanting to be on the end of it. What happened to me? A few months ago I was never into this sort of thing, now I wanted to be punished, I wanted to be humiliated. I took a quick glance around, there was no one in the nearby fields, there was no one coming down the path, I was alone in the school down the field, no one to see what I would do next.
I wasted little time, I brought the crop up a few inches and brought it back down onto my palm. A short sigh of relief escaped my lips, it felt like heaven to have the object strike my bare skin, I did it again but a few inches more and then another few inches more. Three strikes and I could already feel the tingling in my hand, it wanted more yet it was already begging for mercy from the crop.
The item whistled again as I brought it to the back of my body. My hand wasn't the part of me that needed it most, from the moment I had picked it up my butt was crying for its attention. I had to angle my body, bringing my torso down and my backside out, the position was uncomfortable but it was the only way to get a good shot. My hands trembled with excitement and my bottom half was already anticipating the short smack of the leather. I didn't start at a few inches like I did with my hand, nor did I go a few inches higher. I brought my hand up as far as it would go before bringing it down with the highest amount of power I could muster.
The moment the crop hit my butt, a loud echo travelled throughout the empty space. It might have hit the clothing on top of my skin, but it did the job perfectly. My knees buckled and my arm went limp, allowing the crop to fall towards my fingertips. I let out a noise that was a combination of pain and pleasure, a whimper, sigh and yelp all at the same time. It was marvelous.
"Are we interrupting something?" A voice called out towards me.
I had to force myself out of my sexualized trance. Beth was waiting just outside the wooden gate, the purple pony stood right behind her in her entire ponyplay outfit, with a lead connecting from the head harness to the older woman's hand. They had seen everything.
"Umm… no," My cheeks went fully red as I jumped back up into a normal standing position.
"Y'know. You could give it to me and I could give you a smack with it? I won't hold back though."
She gave me a wink before she let the purple pony through the gate, not letting go of the lead until Kathia's hooves were on the rubber ground. She looked around the entirety of the small arena, taking in all the sides and every object that was scattered around it. I made the liberty of setting up two small fences for her to jump over, if she was comfortable with that action this early on.
"I'm okay, thanks." My embarrassment would not shake off. It was hard to deny what happened, they had seen the entirety of my hand smacking my butt, it wasn't as if I could pretend it was for another reason. I had to swallow my pride and just accept the fact they saw me delve into my submissive state.
Beth took off the lead, detaching the metal clips that held it to the gentle girl's head harness. Kathia immediately shot off, sprinting towards the other end of the school before Beth even had the chance to tidy up the lead in her hands. Despite the size of the pony, she ran to the other end of the school much faster than I imagined she was capable of. The older woman didn't seem fazed by this act, she didn't even look up to see where the purple woman went, she was entirely focused on wrapping the lead up in her arms.
"Well… she's yours for now." Beth finally looked up at me before she re-opened the gate and let herself out.
The older woman didn't leave, but instead leant against the wooden frame of the gate and began to watch the entirety of the training process with Kathia and I.
"I thought you were going to help?" I whined, "Isn't that why you came down here?"
"No, I've come to watch." A grin travelled across her face, "I've booked you for the day to train Kathia and now I'm going to enjoy the show."
I stared down at the end of the school, Kathia made herself at home at the very bottom. I could see her breathing was heavy and fast, as if the short sprint took more out of her than she realised.
"Why did she run away? I thought you said she wanted to be trained in dressage?"
"She does. She just enjoys being chased first. You need to catch her and hold her down before she listens to you."
"What? That's crazy. My ankle wouldn't be able to handle a run."
"Well, you'll have to think of something else then. Kathia won't obey you unless she is caught by you. You are not a pony in her eyes, or the woman she had spent time with outside the stables. She sees you as her trainer and you need to earn her trust and respect." Beth then pointed to her watch, "Tick tock, Heather. You don't want to waste the day away."
A loud sigh escaped my lips, "Goddamn it."
I began limping as fast as I could towards Kathia, the wind whistled through the air as it passed my ears. I didn't want to waste any more time than I had to with this, so I put all my energy into getting to the bottom of the school. My ankle was already screaming at me to stop or slow down. Kathia saw this, she jumped up and began running clockwise against the wall, the farthest area from where I was at the time.
"Kath! Stop!" I commanded in-between grunts.
She did not stop. Somehow the girl kept a good distance away from me despite showing how exhausted she was before. I examined how her hooved feet smacked against the ground with much force, almost bringing her body back up like a spring. The boots she was wearing gave her an advantage over me, making it seem so effortless to move.
"Kathia!" I screamed, my body slowing down, "I-I can't."
We had only just begun the chase and already my ankle was giving in, it begged me not to move anymore. Despite my pleas, Kathia continued running until she was on the other side of the school to me, this placed her right next to the older woman, who was still watching with a smile, however, I could see a flash of concern on her face.
"I wouldn't have ran," Beth yelled out to me, "You're not going to catch her that way."
"How can I catch her then?!"
Beth just shrugged her shoulders. Giving me absolutely no information to go on. I gritted my teeth and walked across the school, I didn't bother going all the way around and instead headed straight towards the pony. Luckily, the ankle support was making it somewhat bearable to move on my bad foot, but it was clear I wasn't going to be able to chase after Kathia for much longer, I was already cursing myself for running after her in the first place.
I let out a sigh of relief the moment I noticed she wasn't running anymore, she just stared at me as I waddled towards both her and Beth; her eyes jumping between my ankle and I. Maybe she was realising the kind of pain I was in and began to feel bad, maybe she was getting tired herself or realised the futility of running all day. Maybe she…
The moment I reached out towards her head harness, hoping to gain some control over the creature, she pulled herself backwards and sprinted away from me, making her way back down the school once more.
"Ah, Fuck!" I yelled, almost falling to the floor, "I give up, I can't do this!"
"Sure, you can!" Beth leaned over the fence further, "You just need to gain control over her first, show her who is in charge."
"I can't. I can't run anymore, I'm in pain… I just want this to be over. If Kathia wanted these lessons, she wouldn't be running away from me."
"Kathia wants to be taught by you. She told me herself, you saw how happy she was in the stable."
"Yes, the same girl who is running away from me. I-I can't catch her!"
"But we aren't dealing with Kathia right now, are we?"
I looked up at the older woman, squinting against the bright morning sky as I tried to understand what she meant.
She continued, "Would you say Heather the human is the same as Heather the pony?"
"Well… no."
"And why is that? Why would you say they were two different beings?"
"Because right now, my head is full of human crap. Problems I'm going to have to face very soon, my mother… Jade, this stupid ankle. However, when I am a pony, I am more… primal. Everything is so much simpler, it feels like I am a completely different person."
Beth grinned, "Well, that's the thing. We aren't dealing with Kathia the human right now, we are dealing with Kathia the pony. The human side is still in there, wanting to be trained by you. But, it's the pony side that requires commanding right now, it's the part that needs you to be in control."
"How?!"
"Heather, she's not a human being right now, she's just an animal. You're trying to communicate to her human side, treat her like the animal she is. How would you get a dog, cat or pony to come to you?"
I turned my focus to the creature at the bottom of the school. I could tell she was already getting tired, yet there was still fight in her eyes. It was guaranteed that she would continue to run if I began to walk towards her. Beth was right, it was useless to try and chase her down, she might have been getting tired; yet I was no match for her in my injured state. I needed to give the creature what she wanted in order to get her to me. What was it that Kathia loved more than anything else?
I finally stood up completely, trying my hardest to keep on both feet despite the pain below. It was the first thing that came to mind, the one thing that Kathia loves more than anything else. I called out her name whilst throwing my arms out, placing them out as far as they would go. I felt stupid… I probably looked stupid, but I needed to make my intent as clear as possible, as I wanted this entire event to be over.
"Kathia! Give me a hug!" my voice echoed down the school.
It was idiotic, I felt idiotic. It was clear that I was just doing this to stop the purple pony from running any further. Beth knew my full intent and I was sure Kathia could see through the thin veil of my actions. Despite this, I began to see the urge to walk forwards in the woman's eyes, the urge to move towards me and into my welcoming arms.
"I… I could really use a hug." My desire to trick her faltered and reality slowly crawled in… I really needed a hug at that moment.
It was unclear if she heard the desperation in my voice or just keen on the idea of being held, but Kathia began moving, galloping against the rubber ground and headed straight towards me with as much power as she could muster. For a second, I didn't think she was going to slow down. I was going to have the entirety of the girl's frame, along with the collection of restraints that were attached to her body go straight through me.
Luckily, she stopped before she got too close, she raised her arms and wrapped them around me, placing her head into my chest as she gave me one of her infamous cuddles. It… it felt so good. I quickly wrapped my arms around her in a similar fashion, making sure to enjoy the connection as much as possible. The feeling of latex against my skin, the soft sighs of the pony as she pushes her body into mine and the smell that hit my nose, which was a combination of the synthetic materials that covered her body along with the beautiful fragrance in her hair.
"I'm going to miss this," I whispered to myself.
"What?" Beth asked.
"Nothing."
The older woman went silent. I finally let go of the hug; something that was much more painful than I imagined. Despite this, I made sure to keep a hand on the creature to stop it from running off again, I knew I would not be able to catch her once again. I gently brought my fingers to her head harness, not enough pressure to cause any discomfort to the poor creature, but enough to keep her close and restrained.
"So… you wanted to learn dressage?" I asked, looking deep into the girl's eyes.
She nodded up and down slowly.
I nodded with her, "Okay. Then no more running and let's get started."
"Legs up! Keep your legs up." The words came out of my mouth, yet it never felt as if I was the one saying them,
It wasn't like me to talk that way, it wasn't like me to be commanding or dominant in any way. It was a role that was completely unfamiliar to me, yet I struggled through. I walked along with the purple pony, forcing her forwards by whipping the riding crop behind her. The sound of the plastic snapping through the air kept her from falling behind, but it wasn't enough to frighten her too much. I examined how she brought her legs up, bringing her knees as high as they could go before she began to struggle and the weight of the boot brought the limb back to the ground.
It was a tiring action, it wasn't too long ago since I was going through this phase of training, I still remembered how exhausted I was by the time the day ended, spending most of the day trying to perfect the basic movement that was expected of me. However, I was stubborn when I was learning the basics. Unlike the purple creature in front of me, I hated to be told what to do and this slowed my development. However, Kathia was picking up on everything I was saying, changing how she was moving within seconds of me correcting her.
I could see the determination on the young woman's face. This wasn't just a training lesson for her, it wasn't just a small interest in becoming a dressage pony, this was something she wanted more than just a quick fancy. It wasn't easy being the one in control, it was a sensation that I was very unfamiliar with. Instead of being the trainer, I imagined myself being a pony whilst giving another pony some tips. Kathia became exhausted after a few hours of general walking, making sure that every single strut she did was perfect… and it was.
She had learned the basics within an hour of beginning the training, something that took me nearly an entire afternoon to perfect. I was pleased, I was proud of the young woman.
"Okay, that's enough," I grinned as I approached the purple pony, enveloping her in my arms.
She seemed relieved that she could finally put her feet down, I imagined they were aching a lot within the hooved boots, probably equally as tired as the top of her legs were from pulling up that weight for the entire time. Kathia squirmed in my arms, a sign that meant she was happy with her progress and enjoying the hug that I was giving her. The temptation to touch the rest of her body was too great, it was almost painful to prevent myself from touching her bound form. The stomach harness not only tightened her stomach, but pushed up her already large breasts, making them much more prominent. The simple sight of her breasts bouncing up and down with each step had taken away my attention from her general movement.
Not only that, but the stomach harness stopped just above her private area and her butt. The contrast between the black leather and the purple latex highlighted these parts of her body and drew attention away from the young woman's movements. Several times I had caught myself staring at her bouncing butt and even to where her sex would lie underneath the shiny material.
What was the matter with me? I had far too many problems to deal with to pay this kind of attention to my fellow ponies. I had a huge decision to make at the end of the day, let alone the reason behind that decision. Real life was coming for me and all I could think about was stripping Kathia of her suit and having my way with her. I kept thinking about Chloe in bed this morning. My roommate was half naked, lying on top of me with her wanting lips pursed. Occasionally I thought about the events of that weekend with Saffron and Abigail. How I was sandwiched between the two taller, stronger women with all control taken away from me and used just for their pleasure.
Of course, I also thought about Jade. How comfortable I was in her presence, how she enjoyed taking the dominant role and teased and tortured me before bringing me the highest form of pleasure.
On this day, where I had to make the hardest decision when the sun finally fell beyond the horizon, I was thinking about all my friends and how I wanted them, I wanted all of them.
Kathia caught my attention, pointing her hooved hand towards the gag in her mouth.
"You want me to take it out?" I asked.
She nodded, letting out a little bit of breath that activated the infamous horse snort, this time it was much quieter than what I was used to. It reflected the light hearted nature of the beast in front of me. As I reached behind her head to detach the gag from her lips, a silhouette out of the corner of my eye took my attention away from her. At first, I thought it was going to be Beth, who quietly walked away from the school half-way through Kathia's leg training. I expected to look up and see the face of the older woman looking down at us, but instead it was someone different, it was Jade.
It was her smile that caught my attention first, a genuine smile that was a rarity to see. Jade's dark demeanor had finally eased off after all this time. It was a lovely sight to see, but one that I knew wasn't going to last.
"So, what happened yesterday, then?" The dark haired woman asked, leaning against the wooden fence just like how Beth did a while before.
I dropped my hands away from Kathia's gag, despite the purple pony's protest, "Yesterday?" I asked.
"Yeah, I was told you might have some information for me."
"Oh…" I struggled to approach the subject.
I left Kathia behind me and opened the gate, allowing me to stand side-by-side with the love of my life. Her smile had faded, yet I could sense she wasn't taking the subject seriously at all. I did not know who told her about my situation, but I was glad she knew as I was dreading to bring the details up from out-of-the-blue. I was numb, the entire time I was walking up to Jade, I could not feel my body. My legs moved forwards along the grass, my hands had found each other in front of my stomach and I had begun rubbing my digits together; a nervous action I didn't know I was doing, and my brain had completely frozen over. I tried to think of the correct words to say and how to say it, trying my hardest to limit the devastating effects of my current situation, yet nothing came to mind. My brain was empty and I had to approach Jade without a plan.
"So… you were told?" I asked, still surprised that she was taking this so lightly.
"Yeah, of course I was. I wouldn't be talking to you if I wasn't told."
"Who told you?"
"Chloe did, she was talking about it to Lily and I walked into the stable. Then she told me everything."
"…Oh, so Lily now knows?"
"Well… yeah? She is going out with Chloe, isn't she?"
My confusion began to show, "What?"
"About you and Chloe spending the night together?
"Me and Chloe? Oh, yeah of course." My heart grew lighter, realising Jade wasn't talking about the issue with my mother, "How did Lily take it?"
"She's okay with it, she knows how close you two are. Wish I had heard about it from you though, I would have found it infinitely more entertaining. Wait…"
Jade seemed puzzled for a second. The feeling in my heart went heavier, the brief retreat from the situation at hand was welcome, yet it meant that I would have to tell Jade everything, from the very beginning.
She continued, "If that wasn't what you were going to tell me about, what were you going to say?"
"I… Uh, I do have something to say. Please… just don't be mad, please?"
My heart broke completely. Jade was in such a good mood, something that I had never seen before and relished every second of seeing. I was going to have to be the one who would break this good mood. I really didn't want to talk about it, but we were running out of time and the decision had to be made tonight, I couldn't afford to waste any more time than I already had.
Jade took a step closer and placed her hands into mine, "Heather… you're scaring me. Please tell me what's the matter, I won't be mad."
"You won't?" I asked, I could already feel the tears entering my eyes.
"I won't… I'll try not to be. Just please tell me."
"I-I have to go." I pursed my lips together between words as I could feel the muscles trembling, "I had a call last night from Hamish, who is my mother's partner. He told me that she isn't doing too well… In fact, she is most likely going to pass away and if I don't go… I probably will never get to see my mother ever again."
Jade looked into my eyes for the longest time, I tried my hardest to judge her emotions on just that as her face was as blank as I had ever seen it before. I could tell her brain was going into overdrive, examining every word I had said in that sentence before she answered.
"No…" Was the first thing she said.
"Jade?"
"No… no, no, no. You're not going."
"Babe… I have to go." I could hear the pleading tone in my voice, "I can't let it end like this, it's going to be hard but I have to see her. It will only be temporary."
"No! Heath- No! You can't leave us for her. We are your family here." She took her hands away from me, an action that hurt more than I wanted to admit, "I don't care if she's dying or dead… or whatever else, but you can't leave us… we need you here."
A tear broke free, "But… she's my mother." I could hear my voice break as I said this simple sentence.
"I don't care, your place is here."
"It's… it's only going to be for a short while. I'll be back, I promise."
I tried to place my hands back into hers, but she kept pulling hers away and kept them out of range, "No…No…"
"Jade?"
"I'll… I'll be good, I promise," Jade said, a tear falling down her cheek also, "I promise I'll stop teasing you from now on. Please, I'll be a good girl, I'll be much better for you."
She was begging me, I could feel her fingers tightening against mine, trembling as they squeezed me and not wanting to let go.
She continued, "Please don't leave me…"
"I'm sorry, Jade." It broke my heart to say such a thing.
"I-I'll come with you, yeah. I'll go with you, we can leave tonight and I'll be by your side for the entire time. I won't leave your side."
I shook my head, "I don't know how long I am going for. Could be a few weeks… could be a few months. I can't ask that of you, I cannot guarantee you'll find a job where I'm going and you can't leave Harriet and Beth, they need you."
"But you need me too!"
"I do. But it's only temporary, I promise," I gulped, "I'll be back as soon as it's… all over. It's not forever."
"Just… don't go, please."
"I have to, babe."
This time she was more assertive, "I order you to not go, you have to stay here with me… with your family."
"I'm so sorry, Jade. I promise I'll talk to you everyday, I'll call you every time I get a chance."
I went to reach up, I had the intention of erasing the tear that was running down her cheek with my thumb, also I thought the idea of rubbing her cheek would soothe her, help her take in what I was saying and accept my temporary leave from the stables. I didn't expect her to smack my hand away from her face, for her to force her hands out of mine and immediately storm off back to the safety of the square.
"FINE!" she screamed, "FUCKING GO THEN!!"
I whimpered, "J-Jade…"
"GO!! JUST GO!!"
I didn't want it to end like this. Time was running short, but I knew I had to give the dark-haired girl some time to cool off, as any attempt to speak with her when she was like this would have been futile. It wasn't easy watching her walk away, with the painful emotions running through her mind as she left me behind, but it had to be done. This wasn't going to be the last conversation we have before my leaving, I needed to speak with her again, despite how much my heart was begging me not to. I loved the woman and she deserved more than just a normal goodbye, and I was planning on giving that to her, even though I was dreading another fight.
I wiped away the tears in my eyes and brought my attention back to the purple pony. She just stood there by the entrance to the school with her hooved hands helpless at her sides. Her gaze kept going between me and the woman walking away with a terrified look on her face. Kathia was usually a strong woman, so the fight between Jade and I must have scared her, or was it perhaps the thought of me leaving?
I opened the gate and let myself back in. Once again, the purple pony pointed towards the gag in her mouth, this time it seemed much more urgent. I wasted no time undoing the clasp at the back of the gag, the leather object fell free of her mouth, allowing several spital strands to connect the object to her mouth, only breaking when I pulled the item far enough away.
"Are you really leaving us?" Kathia asked, her voice was as sweet as always.
I nodded, this time I was in a more calmer state, "Yes, I am."
"And your mom? Is she really sick?"
"Yeah, she is. I don't know how long I have left with her."
"Oh… I'm sorry to hear that."
I chuckled, "Y'know, it's funny. I have spent the last several years trying my hardest to get away from her, to forget my mother even existed. Now… she might not exist anymore and I'm throwing everything away to be back with her."
"You're not throwing everything away. We'll still be here when you get back."
"That's what Beth says. However, it just feels so… permanent."
"I'll be here for you, no matter what."
"Thank you."
I noticed the purple pony walked towards me, bringing the already short distance between us even smaller, "Would a hug help?"
"Yeah… probably."
The moment the words left my mouth, the plump girl brought me into her arms, wrapping herself around me much swifter than she ever had done before. The smell of latex hit my nose once more, something that I found almost as comforting as her body against mine. It felt like more than a cuddle with the plump creature, her arms were so tight around me that I swear she would struggle to let go, either that or she had realised this could be the last embrace she could give me for a while.
Just like Jade before, Kathia was trembling lightly. I could feel her arms shaking as she struggled to keep the strength in her limbs. It was a lovely feeling, knowing that this connection meant so much to Kathia, that the small thought of me leaving had this much of an impact. I relished every single second I had with her.
"Okay," I whispered as I finally let go of her body, "It's time to continue training."
She brought herself back, looking me in the eyes, "Are you sure you want to continue?"
"Why wouldn't I?"
"Well… if what you said was true, this might be your last day with us. Wouldn't you want to spend it with Jade? Or Chloe? Or someone more important to you?"
I chuckled, "You are important to me, Kath."
"But…"
"You wanted me to teach you dressage, so I'll teach you it. I wouldn't change this for the world."
"I feel like I'm taking you away from everyone, people who you should be spending time with."
"And that's you. It's my pleasure to be spending today with you. But, I can only show you so much today, you might have to get Beth to teach you the rest until I get back, or Jade… but it might be a good idea to wait until she cools off before you ask her."
She nodded, "Thank you."
"No worries. Now you're doing very well with walking, but we will now go over the cantering speed."
Kathia was humming to herself lightly, it was a tune that sounded familiar; probably a song from the radio, but I dared not interrupt her to ask what the name was. I was loving the moment too much. We had gone over the entirety of the basics, spending hours within the confines of the school. Kathia never asked for a break, so we kept going until we were both physically and mentally exhausted. The day had gone by, the morning sun had travelled towards the afternoon and it had only just began its descent back towards the horizon. The training had stopped about an hour before, the poor pony was sweating underneath her layers from the heat of the day and the non-stop movement, but didn't ask to be freed from her restraints.
Instead, she only asked for the gag and head harness to be taken off, which I quickly allowed. However, we didn't leave the comfort of the school. The day was coming to an end and there was so much left to do, but I didn't want to leave Kathia yet, I wanted more time with the purple pony. I was very pleased with the girl's progress and wanted to spend time with the person behind the restraints; not just the animal I was training for the day.
The world around us was so quiet, we hardly had even seen another person since the fight between Jade and I. Occasionally, we would see one of the ponies walking down the trail with their client next to them, heading towards the paddock to spend time with them. Saffron was the first one who came down, giving us a long look as they trotted across the dirt path, then Lily came down a while afterwards, sending a few glances our way as she tried to tend to the young woman with her. Beth was the person who visited us most. A majority of the time she would just stand silently by the wooden gate, leaning against it as she watched the progress of the purple pony. However, sometimes she brought us a snack and a drink, making sure we were well hydrated and still had the energy to keep going. I believe she was surprised by how long we were in the school for, expecting to come back up to the square physically and mentally exhausted from the training.
When we were done, we made ourselves comfortable on one of the sides of the school. I sat with my back against the wooden fence whilst Kathia laid across my lap. I couldn't keep my hands off the poor girl, if my fingers weren't exploring her beautiful, wavy hair, then my hands began to explore her body; something that seemed to catch her interest. It was as addictive as her personality, the way her soft skin felt underneath the layer of latex, how the suit perfectly highlighted her naturally, sexy form. It felt as if it was unnatural not to want to touch her
What was wrong with me? How could I be thinking about the pump girl's delicious body underneath the latex whilst this should have been one of the hardest days of my life. Upon all the issues I faced this morning, I had one of the worst fights I had with Jade, I didn't even know if she still wanted to be with me afterwards. Despite this, Kathia had my full attention, my hand wanted to travel all over her body, it wanted to pull off the suit and finally connect with the naked form underneath.
My fingers gingerly touched the top of the stomach harness, where the latex suit underneath met the more strict leather material. I had worn the exact same item a hundred times before, but this was my first time actually inspecting the item of clothing. Looking from the outside, it looked more like a corset than I had thought, with a lacy look that traveled from the top of the harness to the very bottom, but the lace was just a front. Despite looking like it could be pulled apart to loosen the grip of the leather item, it couldn't be moved and a selection of hooks at the very back of the harness was what kept it tight against the pony's stomach.
I still played with the faux lace, my fingers danced along the inbuilt pattern as the rest of my hand contemplated going either upwards to the purple pony's chest or downwards to her sex. Both looked as appetising as the other.
"You… you can if you want?" Kathia said, her voice was rather meek.
I apologised and brought my hand away, resting it on the ground next to me, "I didn't mean to imply anything."
"It's there if you want it. I won't say no." Oh god, her voice was like caramel, so smooth and inviting, "I saw the way you were looking at me earlier, I wouldn't mind if you wanted to."
"I shouldn't. I guess I'm just teasing myself. I didn't even think you were into girls?"
"Well, I guess I'm not really. I can't say I've ever been with one, if you don't count the odd client groping my boobs. That's… what I was going to ask you about earlier?"
"Earlier?"
I had to think. I remembered she was pointing to her mouth with her hooves after the fight Jade and I had. She seemed so desperate to have the gag taken out, but that was because she had the realisation that I was going to leave the stables. It must have been before? Yes, she was pointing at her gag before Jade got there, that was what I was in the middle of doing when I began talking to my partner.
"I… wanted to ask you something" Kathia's voice was still as sweet, despite her nervousness.
"Oh yeah, I remember. Sorry, I completely forgot about that. What was it you wanted to ask?"
She brought her bound hands together, clapping her hooves against each other as if she was playing with her fingers as she contemplated the next words out of her mouth.
"I was wondering… You can say no if you don't want to. But, I was going to ask if I could kiss you?"
I laughed, "Kiss me?"
"Yeah. Obviously, you're with Jade. But Saffron and Abigail have been with you, and so has Chloe…"
"Why did you want to kiss me?"
"I've never tried it with a girl before, I wanted to see if I would like it."
"Yeah sure."
"Wait- Really?"
"Yeah, why not?" I laughed, "I have been with nearly everyone else, so it's definitely something I wouldn't say no to."
"Great, Thanks!" She licked her lips and then nervously pursed them, getting ready for the contact between us.
"Umm… Kathia, you're going to have to come up, sorry."
"Oh… yeah, of course."
"If I could bend down and kiss the area between my legs, I wouldn't need Jade," I joked.
Kathia placed her elbows on the ground, bringing her body upwards, just enough for our lips to touch. A soft moan managed to escape her the moment of the connection, as if it was still a surprise that the action took place despite the mutual agreement between us. It was amazing. She kept her mouth closed, allowing no room for my tongue to explore, but it was her full, thick lips that made the kiss so great. It was pure, beautiful and tasted amazing. Leaving me both satisfied and wanting more at the same time. She allowed the lips to separate for a moment, allowing us to kiss again and again, but confirming that the action would not go further than what was intended.
I pulled myself away from her slowly, bringing my head back to sitting height and allowing her to go back to lying down onto my lap. It was a quick exchange, but one I knew the purple pony was grateful for.
"So… what do you think?" I asked.
"Hmm, it was a good kiss, not gonna lie," she said, deep in thought, "But I am sure I prefer guys, sorry."
I laughed, "No offence taken."
"But, offer still stands." She arched her back, bringing her chest up and highlighting her breasts, butt and private area, "You can still have a go, if you want?"
"You're not into women, but you still want to be touched by one? You're a strange girl, Kathia."
"Pleasure is pleasure," she said, jokingly.
I smiled in return, "I best not get too carried away. I've taken you away from the stables for long enough. It would be a good idea to get you back to Beth."
"Awww, okay."
"Maybe next time?"
She nodded, "Yes, please."
"How did she do?" Beth asked, greeting us the moment we got into the square.
I took a quick look around, Jade was nowhere to be seen, but the rest of the ponies were saying their goodbyes to their clients. It looked like everyone was finishing up for the day. As the men and women slowly exited the area, I became aware that it would be the last time I would be seeing them for an undetermined amount of time. I wanted to say farewell to them all, but the last thing I wanted to do was to make a big scene. The thought of all the women looking back at me as I told them what was happening filled me with a huge level of dread. So, I decided it would be best if I told them each individually, ideally in the comfort of their own stables in between the transformation between pony and human.
"Did she do well?" Beth re-phrased the question, bringing me out of my thoughts.
I grinned, "She's amazing. In time, she would be an even better dressage pony than me."
Kathia happily sighed as she said this, clapping her hooves together once again.
"That's good news. Although, you shouldn't keep putting yourself down. You were a pleasure to teach, and seeing you at the arena yesterday was amazing."
"Thanks, Beth. That means a lot."
We exchanged the pony, taking the reins from my hand to the older woman's. Kathia instinctively followed the transaction, moving from behind me to behind Beth, as if she was changing owners. Kathia almost immediately stopped paying attention to us and instead looked towards the open stables, staring at her sisters as Chloe ushered them into their own spaces. I could tell Kathia had the urge to join them, as I tried to avoid Chloe's knowing look.
"You should take Kathia in, I'm sure she wants to get out of that sweaty outfit. She did a lot today." I pointed towards their destination, urging the two women in front of me to join the others.
"We will," Beth acknowledged this before asking the question of the day, "So, have you decided?"
"Yeah. I'm going to go. I need to."
"Okay. Harriet's inside the house, make sure you say 'goodbye' before you go, don't think you can just leave us."
"I won't. I promise."
It was a painful sight to see the other woman walk to the empty stable with Kathia by her side. Within seconds, they closed the wooden door and left me alone in the square. Something that I was getting used to. Allowing myself a second to look around the square one last time was equally as painful, yet beautiful in its own way. The walls of this place had protected me for so long, it kept the horrors of the outside world at bay whilst giving me the chance to live a different life. To relish life as a pony and not a human, to give up the daily burden that comes to the entire population of the world and just enjoy the simple, loving life as a ponygirl. For that, I was entirely grateful for this place.
The front door to the house opened easily, the hinges squeaked the entire time until the door was wide open, allowing me to walk into the comfort of the home. Harriet was once again sitting on the sofa, calmly stroking the sleeping pet, who rested her head on the older lady's lap. Nicole looked so peaceful, so beautiful. It was hard to restrain myself from making a fuss over the pink pet.
Harriet gave me the warmest smile as I entered the room, pointing towards a small, fabric box that sat on the wooden, coffee table between the two sofas.
"I made you some food for the road," she whispered.
I matched her volume, "How did you know I was going to go?"
"I could tell. You always do the right thing, Heather. This is the right thing to do, no matter what anyone says."
"Thank you. That really means a lot."
She pointed towards the sleeping creature, "I would stand up and give you a hug goodbye, but I won't want to wake Nicole up. She can be very tough to settle down once she gets going. But I have told her you were leaving."
"How did she take it?"
"She was sad, but she understood when I told her why. She knows it's not permanent, so come home as quickly as possible."
She said that last sentence with a wink, as if I had full control over how long I was going to be away for.
"Thank you."
"No worries."
"For everything. Thank you for everything you've done for me, you've given me a home, you gave my life meaning for the first time. Thank you for the opportunity to work with you and all the amazing people here."
I could tell Harriet was trying not to tear up, she gave me the strongest smile, but I could see her bottom lip was quivering, "It's no problem, Darling. It's my pleasure."
Harriet embraced me after I took a few steps towards her. There were no more words to exchange after that, we both knew what we meant to each other and we both knew this had to happen. I held the stable owner so tightly, wishing not to have to let go and trying my hardest not to move too much to wake the slumbering creature. It had been so long since I held the older woman, I completely forgot how thing she was.
She gave me a light kiss on the cheek before our hug was finished. It was a caring gesture that meant more to me than any words could mean. I couldn't help but bring my hands to the pet's hood, gently rubbing my thumbs over the faux ears that sat at the top of her head. I placed my lips on her forehead, giving the creature one final kiss before I went. She didn't wake, but a short, happy sigh seemed to echo from her muzzle. I hoped that meant that she somehow received the embrace within the dream she was having.
"Come back soon" Harriet's voice continued to whisper, but I could tell it was a command and not a request.
"I will. I promise," I replied, "I'm just going to try and talk with the ponies when they are in their stables, I don't want a big fuss made about my departure."
"I get that. Don't forget your food. Can you ride your bike with a sprained ankle?"
"I can. I shouldn't, but I can."
Harriet nodded, "Please, take care then. Don't do anything reckless."
"I won't. Thanks again."
I picked up the fabric box from the table and placed it into the suitcase that I had prepared this morning. Despite the thick material, I could feel the heat of the meal that was placed inside. it was clear that it was made with care and attention. Something that I was very grateful for. It was painful, but I made sure to look at Harriet one last time. Not just a glance, but a full view of the older woman, comfortable in her seat with the beautiful Nicole on top of her lap. I wanted to cement that picture in my head, so no matter where I go, I will have a loving reminder of my home.
It was a push to get to the front door, realising the love and care that I was leaving behind. There wasn't much left to do now, I just wanted to say a little farewell to all the women as they were in their own stables, being stripped from their pony gear. That way, it would be much easier.
"…oh." The word slipped out of my mouth the moment my eyes glazed over the square.
It looked like my plan had backfired. In front of me was the entire group of people I had in my life, scattered across the square in different locations, all looking towards me with different levels of upset in their eyes.
Right in front of me was Kathia, the hooved hands were removed from her own, yet the boots still remained. She was standing in front of the door, forcing me to look directly at her. Behind her was Saffron and Abigail. Both women were also stripped off their restraints, yet the latex outfits still hugged their bodies. Abigail wore her suit fully, whilst Saffron had unzipped the back and folded the upper half around her waist and freeing her torso. A white bra covered her chest for her own privacy. Behind them, in front of the fountain was Lily and Chloe, sitting on the brick structure whilst embracing each other. Lily was in the same state as Kathia, with free hands, head, but the boots still attached to her feet. Chloe was in her usual civilian wear with her arms around her partner.
Beth stood to the left of the fountain, closer to my motorcycle. She had her hands behind her back as she watched over everyone. She was the least upset, the fact that she fully knew of my decision probably helped with that, occasionally she would wipe her eyes to keep the strong front. She gave me a smile that let me know that she was the one who told the group about my leaving and the reason behind it. It was an apologetic smile, one that said that it was something that needed to be done. Right next to her was Jade, the one closest to my ride. She wasn't tearful at all, but kept her arms crossed and would switch her gaze from me to the floor in front of her. Despite all the love I had for that woman, I had to admit she was the one I was least excited to see. The fight from earlier was not over and I knew there was more to come before I had the chance to leave.
"I'm sorry," I said to the entire group.
It was a short sentence that came from the heart. I did care for each and every one in that square, they were my family and had saved me from my darkest time. It hurt to have to leave them behind. Kathia approached me, giving me a soft grin. There were no words to say, everything that needed to be said happened earlier. I was glad I had the chance to spend the day with her and knew this was only the beginning of her love for dressage, it was an honour to be the starting point for her.
Silently, she wrapped her arms around me, giving me one last hug before I went. I gave in, holding her in return and allowing that beautiful scent to enter my nose again. Her short breaths were telling me she was fighting the urge to cry, something that was beginning to set me off too. Luckily, her grip began to ease before it got too much for either of us, allowing me to walk forwards towards the next person.
Saffron approached me with her hands on her hips, "I am sorry to hear about your mother. I don't know if there is anything I can say to make it better for you. I just want you to know that we are here for you, we will always be here for you."
I couldn't help myself. I jumped into Saffron, allowing my face to plant against her thin, toned stomach and hugged her as tightly as Kathia did with me just moments before.
"Thank you, Saff. Thank you for everything," my voice mumbled from her stomach.
"Hey… don't get too emotional, kiddo. You'll set me off, too."
"…Sorry."
I felt her hands hold me in return. One was placed at the top of my back whilst the other gently rubbed my head. The heat from her hands was as soothing as her body was.
"Don't ever apologise," she chuckled.
"…Sorry," I repeated myself.
"Don't forget to text us every now and then. We get that you will be busy, but try and keep in contact."
I finally managed to pull myself away, despite my brain screaming at me not to, "I will."
Abigail was next. She couldn't wait any longer and rushed in between Saffron and I. Embracing me in the same way, but this time pushing me deep into her large breasts. The smell of latex instantly hit my nose.
"Take good care of yourself. Make sure to wash everyday, eat healthy and get a good amount of exercise in" Abigail's trembling voice whispered to me, "Drink plenty of fluids too. Oh, and don't get into any bad habits. I know you are going through a tough time, but try and keep strong."
This time my voice was muffled from the woman's chest, "I won't."
She pulled me out of her chest, kneeling down to my level as she placed her hands on my cheeks, "We all love you so very much. And we are all so proud of you."
I smiled, "Thanks, Mom."
She returned the smile and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. It was a lovely gesture, one that was restrained as I knew the mothering figure would want far more than a hug and a kiss before I left. If I had the time I would have spent an extra day with each and every one of the women, devoting all my time and energy to their needs and wants. Unfortunately, time was the one thing I didn't have.
Abigail stood up and stepped aside, I felt both hers and Saffron's hands ushering me towards the fountain, where Lily and Chloe sat. The green pony immediately jumped off the structure and embraced me in the same manner as everyone else, but this time there were no words said. There was nothing left to be said, it seemed that Saffron, Abigail and Kathia all said what was on her mind, but I could tell that she wanted to say something meaningful, something that would cushion the blow of my leaving.
"I… I, uh…" she stuttered.
"Lily? Take good care of Chloe for me," I stepped in.
It wasn't as if I was taking over the conversation. I struggled to think of what to say too, but I knew I wanted to ask her that. I wanted Chloe to be safe and cared for when I wasn't there.
I felt her nod, "I will."
"Thank you."
I held her a little longer. Lily was such an amazing person, it felt almost insulting that there wasn't more I could say to her. I knew she would take care of Chloe, she would take care of all the girls here if given the chance. Lily, the sleepy, green pony who never seemed to leave the comfort of the fountain, but the pony who had so much love to give. As she held me so tight, it was clear why she was so popular among the clients. It was a struggle to cease the embrace between us, Lily never stopped holding me, forcing me to be the first one to let go.
Her hands travelled down my arms, making sure to keep in contact with me the entire time until I began walking to Chloe. By the time we were done, she had picked herself off the fountain and was taking the short few steps towards me. My heart was in my throat as I approached my best friend. I hated myself for how this was happening, despite it not being my fault. Chloe had been the most caring friend I ever had, she was the one who opened her home up to me when I needed it most, the one who let me into her life, into her work without a second thought. Because of her, I had this family, I had people who wanted me to be a part of their lives, I had Jade.
"Will you let me know when you get there?" Chloe asked, placing her hands in mine.
"Of course I will," I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry when I first left the house, but it was Chloe who was making it more of a struggle to keep my eyes dry.
"And text me every chance you get?"
"I will. Thank you so much, Chloe. I can't thank you enough for what you've done."
"You don't need to thank me, just come home safe."
Chloe's embrace was different than everyone else's. Abigail and Saffron did their best to sooth me by placing my head against their body. Saffron allowed my face to be planted in her stomach and Abigail pulled me straight into her breasts. Kathia and Lily held me in a more mutual way, keeping the hugs at an equal height. Chloe's head fell into my chest, her forehead resting against my shoulder. It was as if she wanted to be hugged more than us both holding each other. I didn't care how it happened, I was more than happy to hold my friend one last time for the foreseeable future.
It was a loving moment, but one that hurt when I noticed her shoulders begin to rise and fall at a rapid rate. She was silently crying to herself, trying her hardest to keep it in and keep it quiet. For this reason, I held her tighter and longer, making sure to let go only when it felt right. Luckily, Lily stepped in. Seeing Chloe's melancholy, mute state forced her to go into her defensive mode. The green pony's arms soon went around the young woman's shoulders and Chloe's hug switched from me to Lily. Feeling Chloe's fingers leave my body was mentally painful, as if they belonged on my person and was being ripped off. However, I knew if Lily didn't step in, the hug would never end. I didn't have the strength to leave her and Chloe was the exact same.
I allowed myself a quick moment to rub Chloe's back before moving on. Beth approached me, her eyes were red but the smile on her face shone through.
"You've only been in our lives for half a year, and look how you've affected us." She pointed her hand towards the rest of the group.
I quickly glanced towards the rest, Chloe was still against Lily's chest. Abigail and Kathia were being comforted by Saffron, but they were all looking towards me with care in their eyes.
Beth continued, "You are truly something, Heather. I know you've never thought much about yourself, but you've changed our lives for the better, each and every one of us. So, please come home as soon as you can… we need you."
"… I need you too." I finally began weeping, jumping into Beth's arms.
"Ah, my child." I felt her arms reach around my back, gliding up and down in a rhythmic pattern, "There is nothing more to say. Just stay safe, keep your chin up and always remember the people you have rooting for you."
"Thank you, Beth."
"You should get going. You don't want to burn too much daylight."
Just like Lily, Beth allowed me all the time I wanted in her arms. Beth was the most like a mother out of the entire group. She was protective, caring and made sure to push us towards our own personal goals. Beth knew what we wanted, how we wanted to better ourselves and allowed us to go further than we thought was possible. She was the person who taught me about love without sacrifice. That it was okay to be cared for without being used for someone else's personal goal. Something I never knew existed before coming here.
Once again, I felt the tightness of the hug begin to ease up. Our hands left each other's bodies as our arms fell towards our sides. The older woman gave me one last wink, letting me know that it was going to be alright before pushing me towards my motorcycle… and the woman standing in front of it.
Jade looked the most reluctant of everyone else in the square. When I approached all the women before her, they all wanted to come close to me, hold me in their arms and talk to me in a sweet tone before my leaving. Jade was the opposite in almost every way. Her arms were still crossed, she failed to make eye contact with me and she had a scowl as soon as she looked up from the concrete ground.
"Jade…" I said, walking towards her with my arms open.
I was hoping to entice her with one last hug before I left. A finality to the wonderful time we had for each other, even though it was just a temporary end. She walked away from me, making sure to keep out of physical contact for as long as she could hold me off.
"No!" She stomped her foot, "No, no, no! You aren't leaving. I don't care what is happening, you can't leave us behind."
Beth came in, "…Jade, you have to understand why Heather is doing this."
"Oh, I understand why. I just think she's being ungrateful." She then turned towards me, "After everything we've done for you, all the training, all the care… welcoming you into this world of ours, this is how you pay us back?"
"I don't want to fight, not before I go," I defended myself, "I know I have asked alot from you; from all of you. I don't deserve your love, I don't deserve your care. I will do what I can to make it up to you when I get back, I will be spending the rest of my life making it up to all of you. I just don't want to end things this way, I don't want our last words to be spoken in anger."
Jade tightened her arms against her body, not letting me in, "Well you've already messed that up."
"C'mon, Babe. It's not going to be for long, I can promise you that."
"Then go then!" Her voice became raised, "Go and crawl back to your mother! Shut up and leave us be."
"No, Jade… not like this!"
"Go! Just fucking go!"
She turned around and began walking towards the stables, wanting to leave the square as quickly as possible. I felt the love for her falter momentarily, seeing the back of the person I loved most was too painful to see. My teeth came together, biting as hard as I could as rage flowed through my veins.
"You know what? FINE!" I screamed, "When I do come back, it won't be for you!"
I turned around to get onto my motorcycle. A quiet gasp could be heard from the rest of the girls in the square, followed by an agonising silence that seemed to linger for far too long.
"…Wait," a voice behind me said quietly, luckily I was able to hear it.
I turned back around, just in time to see Jade running towards me, tears scrolling down her cheeks. Her body lunged towards me, placing her arms around my body and her head against my shoulder. It was the most emotional hug I had ever received from the dark-haired girl. A hug that I was grateful for and one that I responded to straight away.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered into my ear, "Please don't hate me."
I held her tighter, "I could never hate you, babe."
"I know why you are doing this, I… I just don't want it to happen."
"I understand completely."
She sniffed, "Promise me you'll come home as quickly as possible?"
I nodded.
"Say it, please?"
I had to keep blinking, stopping the tears from approaching my eyes, "I promise I'll be back as soon as I can."
"Thank you."
Just like with all the others, the moment she left my hug I was filled with pain. It felt like a physical shadow disappearing from my arms, I felt that I would not feel it again until my return. Jade placed her hands on my cheeks and gave me a quick, but intense kiss. Despite the brief contact between our lips, it was meant with great feeling and emotion.
Then she left. She finally walked out of reach, immediately going into Saffron's arms, who instantly accepted her and held her close. Tears falling down both of their faces. It was the same with Abigail, Lily and Chloe too. All of them failed to hide the liquid pouring out of their eyes. Even Beth was starting to get tired of constantly wiping them away and instead allowed the emotion to come over her.
"Thank you, all of you," I said, taking my eyes between each individual human and pony who came to say goodbye, "You are my family… and I love you all."
I was terrible with words, but I was hoping my message went across okay. My body forced itself around, turning towards the vehicle that would get me to where my mother was. That was it, there was nothing left to say or do. I just had to go through the painful process of leaving.
I scanned my hand as it reached for the bike, expecting my body to quickly follow and straddle the vehicle. It was an action that I had made many times, so much so that it was second nature. Yet, this time it had so much more weight to it, once I was on the vehicle, I would not stop until I was with my mother… so very far away, away from my friends and family. For this reason, my body stopped reacting to my commands. I was stationary, unable to move forwards any closer to the bike. As much as my mind willed it, I could not proceed. I was merely standing still for the rest of the people in the square, unaware of the mental battle I was having in my head.
Why? Why wouldn't I move forwards? I knew I wanted to stay, leaving this place behind was the last thing I wanted, yet this was something I had to do, it was an obligation I had to my mother to be by her side; as her only daughter. I… I needed to move…
…But I can't…
…I can't move at all…
I was stuck, frozen in place. Doubt entered my mind and made itself at home, scaring my brain into freezing up. The only movement my body could make was the light trembling of my hands as I willed it to move, begging it to finally go forwards and put an end to this stalemate.
A whimper left my lips.
My vision swiftly became clouded with tears, breaking free and sprinting down my skin. It wasn't just one tear, or two, but a whole river that escaped my eyes and fell down, leaping from my chin and falling towards my shirt, or eventually making it to the concrete ground. The whimpering worsened.
Finally, comfort came when Beth approached me, placing one arm around my shoulder and the other on my arm. This action finally allowed my body to free up, leaping into the comfort that the older woman allowed me to have. She placed her cheek against my soaked one, but no words left her lips. She knew there was nothing left to say, there were no sentences she could produce that would ease my pain. We both were aware that the final decision was mine to make.
"I… I don't want to go," I whispered, my voice breaking between each word.
Still she said nothing. All she did was hold me, allowing me the comfort only she could give as I painfully planned what was next in my life. She allowed me one last time to be afraid, to be saddened before I had to wipe my eyes, clear my throat and make the choice that only I could make. I allowed myself to be weak, letting the tears and whimpering take over, ending with me bawling into the woman's shirt. I cried harder than I ever had before, forcing the square and the people inside it to listen to my wailing. Even the hands of Jade, Chloe and the rest of the women had no effect on easing the discomfort I felt inside. The entire group surrounded Beth and I, silently connecting each and every one of us as I made my peace with the decision I made.